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United vs. Stoke

United vs. Stoke

  (@Benglorious) Can’t believe Stoke got a new manager today. Really can’t believe Stoke got a new manager at all. All I know about Paul Lambert is that he defeated the Kurgan and tasted that sweet, sweet Quickening. Prediction: It’s...

FAC: Derby 0 – 2 United

FAC: Derby 0 - 2 United

As Jesse Lingered continues to single-handedly win us every trophy we have won in the past 30 years, Jose Mourinho continues to burn them. Here’s 5 things we learned innit: 1. Letting Steven drive is a mistake. 2. Lingard’s goal...

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@bifurcated_utd:
RT @UtdRantcast: Picasso had his blue period, Louis van Gaal had his Nick Powell period.
21 months ago from Twitter for Android

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250ney! Revroo!!
Features, New things..., United stuff

250ney! Revroo!!

  Wayne Mark Rooney. Captain. Leader. Legend. 250 goals scored in a United shirt to take the record out of Sir Bobby Charlton’s skeletal grasp. To put that in perspective: If he played for another 36 years he’d have 1000…

United vs. Stoke

United vs. Stoke

  (@Benglorious) Can’t believe Stoke got a new manager today. Really can’t believe Stoke got a new manager at all. All I know about Paul Lambert is that he defeated the Kurgan and tasted that sweet, sweet Quickening. Prediction: It’s a kind of magic. 0-0 United. m  (@tom_mcghee) I am not writing another preview until we sign Alexis Sanchez. If we never sign him, so be it. I am a man of principle. I might...

FAC: Derby 0 - 2 United

FAC: Derby 0 – 2 United

As Jesse Lingered continues to single-handedly win us every trophy we have won in the past 30 years, Jose Mourinho continues to burn them. Here’s 5 things we learned innit: 1. Letting Steven drive is a mistake. 2. Lingard’s goal was good … but his dancing drives me mad !! 3. What game was it?

FAC: United vs. Derby

FAC: United vs. Derby

(@Benglorious) Another Derby match. Let’s hope Andross Townsend behaves in a respectful manner this time unless he wants to wake up on Mourinho’s hotel room floor. Prediction: United to put out a full-strength squad, showing this great competition the respect it deserves. Something Andross Townsend would know nothing about. Lukaku to stay on for one more season at the behest of Uncle Lars. 0-0 United. m  (@tom_mcghee) My preview will be in the medium of...

Everton 0 - 2 United

Everton 0 – 2 United

Rooney sure showed us. BahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahBAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH etc. Here’s 5 things we learnt: 1. Even without some of our first choice players I find it very difficult to believe that United can catch us now. 2. But you’rOh!! It’s a joke! 3. If you have dinner and miss the game the result seems better because you didn’t watch all the bad football.  

Everton vs. United

Everton vs. United

(@Benglorious) After I celebrated the dawning of the new year with a glass of apple juice and some dry crackers, I am actually looking forward to today’s game. Not having had anything with any flavour in it for the last few days has given me a true appreciation for Jose Mourinho’s approach to football. Here’s to more of the same in 2018, especially the shitting myself to death part. Prediction: Things to only get better lol....

United 0 - 0 Southampton

United 0 – 0 Southampton

As we consolidated our position at the top of the any normal English Premier League season table, with another outstanding top of the any normal English Premier League season table performance, we learned 5 things… 1. Explosive diarrhoea is preferable to what we just watched. 2. As is vomiting at the same time. 3. I liked your coffee maker reference in the preview. 4. As a fellow sufferer of said virus, I must say mine...

United vs. Southampton

United vs. Southampton

  (@Benglorious) My Christmas was great right up until the time I got a Christmas virus and I made my toilet look like a cheap coffee maker. The agony and frailty I’m experiencing as I type this still makes me feel better than watching the highlights of our last two games. Prediction: May try solid foods after the match. Will definitely be cleaning the toilet either way. Still better than watching us tbh. 0-0 United....

United 2 - 2 Burnley

United 2 – 2 Burnley

Messi Lingard saves the day once again. Though actually playing football quite well for 90 minutes might also be worth a try. Here’s another 5 things we learned: 1. hashtagmourihnoout 2. hashtagdychein 3. I wish your dog was dead too tbf. 4. That is too far Brett. Too far by far. 5. It was funny when the final whistle went and grown men got upset by time added/not added on lol. 6. Wow. 6. Nice...

United vs. Burnley

United vs. Burnley

(@Benglorious) It’s Christmas, so why don’t you and Lenny Henry fuck off? Prediction:  0-0 United. m  (@tom_mcghee) Lol. Prediction: 0-0 United   m (@bifurcated_utd) Make us. Prediction: 0-0 United.

Leicester 2 - 2 United

Leicester 2 – 2 United

MataLand. Like Matalan. But better. Probably less sales at Christmas. Here’s 5 learns: 1. Pogba’s shooting from distance was a highlight imho. 2. Missing all those chances was silly. 3. I enjoyed the parts of the game where it looked like we might win it. 4. Happy Christmas Cunts. 5. Right Backatcha. 6. Did I norr see these. I did not wish either of you a happy Christmas though so the science checks out.  

Leicester vs. United

Leicester vs. United

(@Benglorious) Prediction:  0-0 United. m  (@tom_mcghee) Prediction: 0-0 United   m (@bifurcated_utd) Literally couldn’t give a fuck. You two that is. I wrote this. Prediction: 0-0 United.

EFL CUP QF: Bristol City 2 - 1 United

EFL CUP QF: Bristol City 2 – 1 United

Told you last minute goals were for tools. Here’s another 5 things we learned: 1. Wasn’t there a big row about not being on telly? It is on telly. Lol. What a day. 2. That was the fa cup. Read a fucking book sometime. 3. Not sure you can fit both teams on a telly tbBOOM!!! 4. It’d be nice if you did something. 5. Bite me. 6. I will never bite you. 7. Nice...

Bi-Mark: Footballiversity

Bi-Benno: Where Are They Right Now..?

Bi-Konny: Michael Owen Reads Mean Tweets...

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