Fare Thee Well Sir Michael of Owen
Football has a way of screwing with time. I know this because of one simple fact: I’m older than Michael Owen. Insane isn’t it? How could this have happened? I was only a teenager when he started gleefully rubbing his hands together on my telly. It’s just not right. I didn’t used to like Michael […]
Middle Men: Who should stay? Who should go? Who should replace them?
As we have come to expect around the time when the transfer window flaps open, we are once again inundated with speculation as to who will come in and fill the gaping holes in our midfield. We can surely expect at least one arrival to ease our midfield malaise. Did you here that David Gill? […]
Canvey Island cds, tapes and vinyl: Our very own David Abbott
We’re still celebrating our 1st Birthday! Next up for a trip on the much maligned Bifurcated Train, Bifurcated creator David Abbott and here it is now… The conductor tossed him a £1 coin and held out his hand to lead him in the direction of the platform. *BUZZ* Yep, same gag. It’s painful isn’t it? […]
Red Fergie’s Bife Stories: Our very own David Abbott
Next on the Bi-Player we return to Red Fergie’s Bife Stories. This week we are celebrating reaching the grand old age of one on this here site by letting you know a bit more about us! We have pumped Red Fergie full of maximum strength tranquilisers again, so lets get going before they start to […]
Canvey Island cds, tapes and vinyl: Joe Sharratt
Aston Villa fan (Boo!) and good friend of Bifurcated Joe Sharratt (@fiveinmidfield) who writes the superb Five in Midfield was contemplating counting up his pocket change to have Emile Heskey as guest of honour at his next birthday party when there was an eerie tapping from the ceiling above. As he started shuffling awkwardly in […]
Sunderland 1 – 3 United
If ever a game’s relevance was based on events elsewhere then this is it. In a roundabout way there might not be any need for us to even play this game at all. Let the players have the weekend off, especially the players heading to the Euros, they can be that little bit fresher. Actually, […]
Canvey Island cds, tapes and vinyl: Steph Doehler
United fan and friend of Bifurcated Steph Doehler (@stephdoehler) was stepping out to explore her new surroundings after moving home. As she turned the corner to head around the block, you’ll never guess what happened? Yes, you’ve guessed it … There waitin for her, was the Bifurcated Train! The conductor tossed her a £1 coin and held […]
Not A Rant: My Real Pet Hate: Pet Hates
“Lying finds champions in those who recognise that without lies people would have no inner privacy, that life might be infected with boredom and despair, and much evil could result.” A.C Grayling, The Meaning of Things, 2001 A week or so ago I flexed my somewhat flaccid blogging community muscle and submitted my ‘Pet […]
You can stick your whistle up your arse
This article originally appeared in Issue 15 of the Football United Fanzine available to view here To the foot stomping outrage of some fans, there exists statistical evidence which points to the fact that United don’t concede less, or win more penalties at home than other clubs, so we can finally put the myth that refereeing decisions favour the big clubs […]