March 2016

B. Eyed Peas: Jose

B. Eyed Peas: Jose

T.Cranberries: Jesse Lingard

T.Cranberries: Jesse Lingard

Manchester United Vs The Chelseas

Manchester United Vs The Chelseas

(@Benglorious) m Is Eddie Redmayne the new Hugh Grant or does he just need to speak up a bit? This reporter says ‘yes’. Luckily, the memory of every word he said too quietly in that film last night will soon be erased by the complete demolition of United by this season’s champions-elect, Chelsea. Was that […]

EL: Anderlecht 1 - 1 United

EL: Anderlecht 1 – 1 United

Choo! Choo! Like a European express train made of not doing enough to kill of matches, with wheels made of draws, and passengers made of draws, pulling into the semi-final station of draws, at platform draws. All are bored (ALL ABOARD!).   Here’s 5 thing we learned: 1. Ghost Rider is in Agents of Shield. […]

EL: Anderlecht vs. United

EL: Anderlecht vs. United

(@Benglorious) Anyone who’s ever played ‘Famous Belgians’ knows Ander Lecht, inventor of waffles and Tintin. Should be an absolute pushover. m Prediction: Goals for Poirot and Jean-Claude Van Damme will not be enough for the plucky Belgians. 0-0 United. m m  (@tom_mcghee) I ruddy love Anderlecht. I’d open a coffeshop there in a heartbeat if […]

Sunderland 0 - 3 United

Sunderland 0 – 3 United

Captain. Leader. Legend. Haterz gonna hate, but Fella’s gonna regulate! Here’s 5 things we learned: 1. Goals are good.  

Sunderland vs. United

Sunderland vs. United

(@Benglorious) David Moyes has gone from the heady heights of success with Everton, had a lucky escape from the quagmire that is Manchester United and is now back on top again at the Premiership League’s biggest club-that-plays-in-red-and-white-and-also-won-the-1973-FA-Cup-final. He’s a modern day hero, like Achilles but without the dodgy ankle. We should all aspire to be […]

The Radiohead: Phil Jones

The Radiohead: Phil Jones

United 1 - 1 Everton

United 1 – 1 Everton

The Invincibles can bite our bangers as we continue our incredible run, drawing with everything in our path like a machine made of draws. We’re like the Ikea of football: *work on the punchline for this a joke for next week. Something, something Zlatan (Swedish), something, something drawers.* Here’s 5 things we learned about the […]

United vs. Everton

United vs. Everton

(@Benglorious) I’m sure we played yesterday, if you can call it playing lol. Yeah, Brett, I stole your joke – that’s how bad things are. m Prediction: Goals for Lukaku and Big Dunc. 0-0 United. m m  (@tom_mcghee) David Moyes sure does it bad. m Aliens (1986) James Cameron recreates Avatar (2009) shot-for-shot but before that and with […]

United 0 - 0 West Brom

United 0 – 0 West Brom

Fortress Old Trafford yet again proved impenetrable to yet another top tier club from yet another of Europe’s elite leagues, yet again. Here’s five things we yet again learned yet again: 1. If you don’t watch it – because you’re finishing a path – and then check Twitter afterwards, you legit can’t tell if we’ve won […]

United vs. WBA

United vs. WBA

(@Benglorious) It’s been so long since I watched any football that wasn’t full of broken legs and weird statues that I’m actually looking forward to watching the game today. Any spare tickets? I also need a lift and accommodation. And spending money. www.patreon.com/bifurcated m m Prediction: With Jones out, injured by Smalling, and Smalling out, […]

Bi-Mark: Footballiversity

Bi-Benno: Where Are They Right Now..?

Bi-Konny: Michael Owen Reads Mean Tweets...

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