Everton vs. United
(@Benglorious) After I celebrated the dawning of the new year with a glass of apple juice and some dry crackers, I am actually looking forward to today’s game. Not having had anything with any flavour in it for the last few days has given me a true appreciation for Jose Mourinho’s approach to football. Here’s to […]
United 0 – 0 Southampton
As we consolidated our position at the top of the any normal English Premier League season table, with another outstanding top of the any normal English Premier League season table performance, we learned 5 things… 1. Explosive diarrhoea is preferable to what we just watched. 2. As is vomiting at the same time. 3. I […]
United vs. Southampton
(@Benglorious) My Christmas was great right up until the time I got a Christmas virus and I made my toilet look like a cheap coffee maker. The agony and frailty I’m experiencing as I type this still makes me feel better than watching the highlights of our last two games. Prediction: May try solid […]
United 2 – 2 Burnley
Messi Lingard saves the day once again. Though actually playing football quite well for 90 minutes might also be worth a try. Here’s another 5 things we learned: 1. hashtagmourihnoout 2. hashtagdychein 3. I wish your dog was dead too tbf. 4. That is too far Brett. Too far by far. 5. It was funny […]
United vs. Burnley
(@Benglorious) It’s Christmas, so why don’t you and Lenny Henry fuck off? Prediction: 0-0 United. m (@tom_mcghee) Lol. Prediction: 0-0 United m (@bifurcated_utd) Make us. Prediction: 0-0 United.
Leicester 2 – 2 United
MataLand. Like Matalan. But better. Probably less sales at Christmas. Here’s 5 learns: 1. Pogba’s shooting from distance was a highlight imho. 2. Missing all those chances was silly. 3. I enjoyed the parts of the game where it looked like we might win it. 4. Happy Christmas Cunts. 5. Right Backatcha. 6. Did I […]
Leicester vs. United
(@Benglorious) Prediction: 0-0 United. m (@tom_mcghee) Prediction: 0-0 United m (@bifurcated_utd) Literally couldn’t give a fuck. You two that is. I wrote this. Prediction: 0-0 United.
EFL CUP QF: Bristol City 2 – 1 United
Told you last minute goals were for tools. Here’s another 5 things we learned: 1. Wasn’t there a big row about not being on telly? It is on telly. Lol. What a day. 2. That was the fa cup. Read a fucking book sometime. 3. Not sure you can fit both teams on a telly […]
EFL Cup QF: Bristol City vs. United
(@Benglorious) YOU SUPPORT YOUR LOCAL TEAM Prediction: 0-0 United. m (@tom_mcghee) Who the fuck are we playing now? Oh wait is it Brighton? Everyone is moaning about a bottle of wine. Prediction: Why don’t you just bum Julia Caesar? 0-0 United m (@bifurcated_utd) Hey lads! Think you mean WINEing! Prediction: Might do. The […]
West Brom 1 – 2 United
And the Reds go marchin’ on on on. Off. Here’s another 5 things we learned: 1. Have already forgotten entire game. 2. I think Tony V got injured. 3. Was that the game where Hammy Gammon Gary Barry scored?
West Brom vs. United
(@Benglorious) Don’t you live in a hotel with Lenny Henry? Prediction: 0-0 United. m (@tom_mcghee) I can’t do words because Last Jedi spoilers. Prediction: 0-0 United m (@bifurcated_utd) Can you two sort your company out? I still have no intercepting in my new flat. Ruddy Virgin’s Media. Prediction: Make me. 0-0 United.
United 1 – 0 Bournemouth
1-0 to United. It’s just like the days of Eric. It isn’t. 5 things we learned: 1. Illegal streams leave a lot to be desired. 2. No Last Jedi spoilers McGhee I swear to God I’ll fuck you up. 3. Lips, sealed. But I was shocked to see Han return as a force ghost. 4. […]