March 2016

United vs. Chelsea

United vs. Chelsea

  (@Benglorious) Remember that time we beat Chelsea because Herrera stood on top of their best player for the whole match like a tiny Spanish hat? Well, today we’re fucked because Ander’s only gone and got himself a terminal injury as per BT Sport’s insightful commentary team. Maybe we could just try and beat them […]

CL: Sevilla 0 - 0 United

CL: Sevilla 0 – 0 United

We had to endure a WhatsApp group chat with real talk from McGhee. This game was bad. Or at least some aspect of it was. Whatever McGhee was talking about. Dunno. Didn’t read it.     Here’s 5 things we learned: 1. So confused. Before the game everyone was mad about Pogba not playing in […]

CL: Sevilla vs. United

CL: Sevilla vs. United

(@Benglorious) No idea how Sevilla got to play in the Champions League after being relegated last season, but that Agbonlahor is a hell of a player. Prediction: Hawkeye to actually draw a straight line. Black Widow to confiscate his crayons. 0-0 United. m  (@tom_mcghee) I cannot do words as I am too busy watching the […]

FAC: Huddersfield 0 - 2 United

FAC: Huddersfield 0 – 2 United

As the mighty Red Army from Manchester goes marching on to Wemberleeeeee gloreeeeee in spite of VAR and its fascist regime of hate and bigotry. I forgot my point. <—–That picture actually matches the narrative. Who’d have thought.   Here’s 5 things we learned: 1. Lukaku is the greatest striker in the history of the […]

Alexis

Alexis

FAC: Huddersfield vs. United

FAC: Huddersfield vs. United

    (@Benglorious) Instead of starring in film trailers or pimping out tractors, I wish our players would sometimes let loose and steal a taxi or dress as a suicide bomber or add their brand to a Flowers of Manchester memorial or even just do a silly dance on Instagram. Football is too money-oriented these […]

Newcastle 1 - 0 United

Newcastle 1 – 0 United

Phil Jones and Chris Smalling are the best. BEST. ABSO BEST. In a parallel Universe Jose got his wish and the game is still being played. It’s currently 9087 – 0. Here’s 5 things we learned: 1. I didn’t watch the game because I wasn’t watching it. 2. My new jam is Taken The Series. […]

Newcastle vs. United

Newcastle vs. United

  (@Benglorious)   Prediction:  m  (@tom_mcghee)   Prediction:  m (@bifurcated_utd) I can’t do words this week, so glad you guys have got my back. Prediction: 0-0 United.

United 2 - 0 Huddersfield Town

United 2 – 0 Huddersfield Town

With Huddersfield distracted by trying to figure out whether they were a Field or a Town, United notched up two goals in spite of their best attempts to miss them both like the heroes we deserve. Lols @ Sanchez Rooneying his penalty like a true Red Leg. Here’s 5 things we learned: 1. The Last […]

United vs. Huddersfield Town

United vs. Huddersfield Town

  (@Benglorious) I’m taking instagam pictures of my bathroom taps and fixing a water pipe on to my dog’s face. Prediction: Irreverent reference to lots of goals with a 0-0 United punchline. m  (@tom_mcghee) I’m bench pressing wacky baccy at The Plumbing Centre. Film Review (10BC) 10 out of 10. That aside, pretty good. Prediction: Names […]

Tottenham Hotspurs 2 - 0 United

Tottenham Hotspurs 2 – 0 United

<—- Match Summary. Here’s 5 things we learned from the “match”: 1. Fuck off. 2. Some fans think Jose is more to blame than Phil Jones for Phil Jones’ og. It has kept me awake at nights. 3. Weird when we win we’re still shit but any time anyone beats us we’re the best scalp […]

Snoop: Alexis

Snoop: Alexis

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