EL: Club Bruge 1 - 1 United

EL: Club Bruge 1 – 1 United

Aah 2019/2020 disappointment, we’d missed you. Give us a hug you big beautiful emotion you. Here’s 5 things we learned: 1. Changing six players was a mistake. A very large mistake. The kind of mistake you’d expect from a manager at Cardiff or something 2. Bruno looks good 3. Prefer Borat tbqfhwy 4. We’re better than that […]

EL: Club Bruges vs. United

EL: Club Bruges vs. United

Words lol fuck that tin pot Europe nonces

Chelsea 0 - 2 United

Chelsea 0 – 2 United

Bahahahahahahahaha let’s see how long we can keep this up clue: not very long. Here’s 5 things we learned: 1. Having a midfielder who can pass accurately and quickly is handy. Also a guy who can take corners. Seems so obvious with hindsight. 2. Fred is a delight 3. Luke Shaw is quite clearly 90% […]

Chelsea vs. United

Chelsea vs. United

(@Benglorious) I must say I did enjoy the footage of our brave boys playing ping pong with a football in the sun. Really going to help them claw their way back into the champions league spots. Prediction: Martial with a brace using the penhold grip and a ton of topspin. 0-0 United M  (@tom_mcghee) During […]

United 0 - 0 Wolves

United 0 – 0 Wolves

United vs. Wolves

United vs. Wolves

EFLC: City (3) 0 - 1 (2) United

EFLC: City (3) 0 – 1 (2) United

They say that sometimes when you win you actually lose, and that when you lose you sometimes actually win, and that when you win, you actually win, and the same goes for losing. I wish they’d make up their minds. I need a bag of aspirin. Here’s 5 things we learned on the night we […]

EFLC: City (3) vs. (1) United

EFLC: City (3) vs. (1) United

   (@tom_mcghee) Can’t do words tonight pals I am too tired from all the masturbating Prediction: Dutch rudder the fuck outta me bro   (@Benglorious) I’m with Tom. Like, we’re in the same place. Wanking too much Prediction: Pass the butter   (@bifurcated_utd) I’ve got a feeling (Woohoo!) that tonight’s gonna be a good night, that […]

(FAC): Tranmere 0 - 6 United

(FAC): Tranmere 0 – 6 United

Serious question: do Harry Maguire goals even count if they are not thumping headers? i.e. is the score really 0 – 5? Here’s 5 things we learned: 1. We seem a lot better when our opponents are a league or 4 below us – maybe something to look at in the future? 2. 6 goals, […]

(FAC): Tranmere vs. United

(FAC): Tranmere vs. United

(@Benglorious) There’s part of me that knows we will win comfortably like the champions of old unfortunately I left that part in an airport Wetherspoons three years ago Prediction: we’re not doing the 5 preview thing cos I fucked up M  (@tom_mcghee) I knew the magic of the cup would re-unite the three amigos (friends). Sadly, […]

United 0 - 2 Burnley

United 0 – 2 Burnley

2-2 aggregate, so, technically not a net loss, and worth every penny of the licence fee to watch the highlights on Match of the Day of that Jay Rodriguez worldy tbh Here’s 5 things we learned: 1. We should skip to the part where Gollum falls into Mount Doom 2. We should then point and […]

United vs. Burnley

United vs. Burnley

With Marcus Rashford attending manual handling training for company compliance the goals scoring duties will have to be shared between the ghost of Ruud, Andreas from 59 yards, and O.G Here’s 5 things that, like our midfield, aren’t really things at all: 1. Someone pressed delete instead of copy on the WhatsApp group pre-match thoughts, […]

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