Friend of Bifurcated and United fan Paul Ansorge (@UtdRantcast) – of website United Rant, and the superb United Rant Cast podcast fame – had taken a break from recording to contemplate his connection with the Universe and that. He’d only just stepped outside when his momentary peace was shattered by the incessant hum of impending doom. Woah! Steady on … It’s just the Bifurcated Train!
The conductor got right up in Paul’s grill and paused before shouting at the top of his lungs, “FFFFOOOTTTBBBAAAALLLL!!!” Wow! Someone had garlic bread for tea last night. He tossed Paul a £1 coin and pointed towards the platform.
There was only one train waiting to depart, there was only one destination…
(If you’re a new visitor: THIS IS IT. I know. I know. We like to refer to it as “Lo-Fi”)
At the other end he was politely shoved in the direction of the derelict car park and the now familiar car boot sale with the never-in-a-million-years-created-using-Paint stall, run this time by someone who looked the double of ex-Manchester United and Molde player Ole Gunnar Solskjaer (He insisted on being put on the rota for this one)!
As is now the recognised format of this
quasi-naive post the stallholder has a message. Regular visitors to the site might want to join in? All together now … “Welcome to Canvey Island cds, tapes and vinyl. I’ve got to shift all these for a friend of a friend after a misunderstanding over some flooring, anyhow, won’t bore you with the detail, it’s always just padding to add to the overall effect of this nonsense … We have every single ever pressed or recorded in stock, and at 5 for £1, you can enjoy picking some of your 5 favourites of all time?!” (No-one joined in, hmmm, strange that)
“Sam Cooke had the 20th century’s finest singing voice. A Change is Gonna Come was written after Sam heard Bob Dylan singing How Many Roads and decided that he should probably stop only singing love songs and sing something of substance. And for a first attempt at a protest song, he did a pretty, pretty good job.”
“The Beatles are my favourite band. This might just be my favourite of their songs. It was between this and The Inner Light…”
“I’m cheating. Maybe these come as a double a side, or summink. I chose them as illustrative of the Beatles’ canon, and how incredibly rich, satisfying and varied it is. I’m essentially the only person in the world who believes the Beatles are generally under-rated.”
“I have to include hip hop on this list. Why not pick something by a Rant Cast listener? Especially when that person is an incredibly gifted lyricist, rapping over one of the most luxurious, funky, exciting backings I’ve ever heard.”
Just before Paul heads back to the platform the Ole “look-a-like” stallholder pointed him in the direction of the old abandoned book stall and asks him to pick out a book, for free, for the journey home.
“The highest goodness resembles water.
Water greatly benefits myriad things without contention.
It stays in places that people dislike.
Therefore it is similar to the Tao.
Places that people dislike. Like Canvey Island. Seriously though, why not choose one of the myriad of awesome philosophical an spiritual texts of the world.”
…and then we dropped Paul off, just as Ed was calling him back in to carry on recording.
A reminder you can follow Paul on twitter here > @UtdRantcast
Visit his site here > United Rant
Or listen to the latest Podcast here > Rant Cast
To submit your own five favourite singles and partake in our spectacularly amateurish kidnapping scenario email us at: