Looks like none of us can do it. Promises to be the best one yet. 

Today’s Match Pack: UNITED vs PALLIS

2mins: Dave’s kept us in it there.

4mins: Great tackle by Chris Smalling.

12 mins: Someone’s going to get on the end of one those Valencia crosses any year soon.

16 mins: Dave’s kept us in it there

21mins: Rooney’s controlled it for the first time since kick off. Unlucky there with that cross field ball: just over his teammate’s head over by the far touchline.

23mins: Dave’s kept us in it there.

24 mins: maybe there was a goal here

28mins: Rooney unlucky there with that cross field ball: just over his teammate’s head over by the touchline.

33mins: Smalling looking immense.

34mins: Dave’s kept us in it there.

44mins: Rooney unlucky there with that cross field ball: just over his teammate’s head over by the touchline. Half-time whistle blown with ball lost over neighbour’s fence.

Half-time: Think we can expect more of the same in the second half.

46mins: Dave’s kept us in it there.

49mins: Great tackle by Chris Smalling.

52mins: Godzilla attack. Anderson sacrifices himself for the greater good, Godzilla mounts Mothra (not like that) and flies off into Space. I honestly don’t think anyone saw it coming.

53 mins: Dave’s kept us in it there

57 mins: Someone’s going to get on the end of one those Valencia crosses any year soon.

66mins: Rooney’s controlled it for the first time since kick off. Unlucky there with that cross field ball: just over his teammate’s head over the far touchline.

28mins: Dave’s kept us in it there.

48 mins: Warnock turns two-dimensional. Absolute scenes here.

67 mins: GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLGOLAGOLAGOLAGOLAGOLAGOLAGOLGOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!          MAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!

73mins: Rooney unlucky there with that cross field ball: just over his teammate’s head over by the touchline.

78mins: Smalling looking immense.

79mins: Dave’s kept us in it there.

79 mins: Blatant penalty. If its for us and its still 0-0. Or 0-1. The score’s irrelevant really.

89mins: Rooney unlucky there with that cross field ball: just over his teammate’s head over by the touchline. Full-time whistle blown with ball lost over neighbour’s fence. Rooney lambasts teammates.

90 mins: Nasri for Rooney

92 mins: Still 0-0