Bifurcated Manchester United ~ Brighton vs. United

(@Benglorious)

I still can’t believe there’s games left in this shitpot season. At least we’ve got the whole summer to get a break from football.

Prediction: Brighton to have an interesting concept, but make poor use of Will Smith, have a terrible plot and just not be a cohesive piece of filmmaking. How can you fuck up a film about orcs with machine guns?!? Goals for Lingard and Martial. 0-0 United.

(@tom_mcghee)

Legit had no idea we were playing tonight. Also, legit had no idea there were any games on a Friday night. How long has this been a thing? Also, can I please have my photo back? I look like the guy from Robocop who gets melted.

God of War (2018)

No joke, it’s the best game I’ve ever played. The visuals are stunning, the combat is excellent, the puzzles are tricky without being frustrating, the story is immersive, heartwarming and funny, the mythology is superbly rendered, but the overwhelming thing I love about it is the pacing. I literally can’t wait to play it some more. It’s unlike any previous God of War game, and I fucking loved those as well. Unbelievable stuff. That aside, pretty good.

Prediction: Top drawer stuff. First class. Game of the season material. Fantastic advert for the Premiership. 0-0 United.

(@bifurcated_utd)

So, if All Brighton plays for Leicester, then who plays for Brighton if there is no-one left in Brighton to play for them? And how can Leicester get away with having the whole town of Brighton playing for them? No wonder they won the EPL if they are fielding 175,830 players, it’s not really a shock when you look at the statistics: according to maths 175,380 players is 175,369 more than 11, so, even if you consider that of those 175,380 players, only 1% can actually play football, that’s still 1,753.5 players, and the remaining 173,626.5 can just park a highly technical Mourinho line at the edge of the box. How has this been allowed to happen? This is a conspiracy that goes right to the very top of Match of the Day. I also look like that melted guy from Robocop, but I’m ok with it.

Prediction: With no players actually turning up for Brighton (see above maths), I can only see one result: 0-0 United.

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