Burnley vs. United

(@Benglorious)

I have a friend named Lee and if someone told me to burn him it would be far less painful than watching United. I don’t really have a friend named Lee but I would burn him just for this joke. Burnley, Brighton, who gives a fuck? Currently, we couldn’t beat a twitter 6-a-side team, but tbf those must actually be pretty good due to the amount they’re mentioned.

Prediction: Boos, cheers, gasps, laughter, horror. Just like the West End musical classic, Cats, by Andrew Lloyd Webber. Tickets available at your local Spar. 0-0 United.

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 (@tom_mcghee)

I’m not writing a preview because of food or something.

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The Sopranos (1999-2007)

Some very rude Italians eat a lot of food. That aside, pretty good.

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Prediction: Martial and Pogba to do the good thing they’re paid to do unless they don’t do that and still get paid. Win-win imho. 0-0 United

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(@bifurcated_utd)

I’m pleased to report that my herpes did not flare up, and I did not shit myself, though that is probably down to the fact that we didn’t take the lead at any point, or witness an equaliser from Spurs. The pub did laugh at my tiny wiener when Tottenham scored the winner, but that was because the helicopter impression I was performing was hilariously retitled the chinook by Mild Andy the angry barkeep. But that’s another story about the incident in the genetic mutation laboratory for another day.

Now all the Mourinho and Paul Pogba nonsense has blown over we can concentrate on the football.

Prediction: With Burnley having rubbed shoulders with Europe’s elite and experienced the highs of drawing at home to a team with a made up name, I predict a match with the outcome decide by goals and/or a lack of.  0-0 United.