Chelsea vs. United

mBenno Benno (@Benglorious)

Two wins on the bouncy castle has had far-reaching effects: Donald Trump, everyone’s favourite Sith Lord, got beaten at something in politics meaning he may not become Supreme Overlord of Earth, but the more important “news” was to do with the (only slightly) lesser evil of the only man who still writes actual letters and is “allegedly” being prepared to take “over” at “United” – Jose Millwallinho (because no-one likes him geddit?!? They don’t teach that kind of comedy). I for one will back Vangle until the day he is hounded out by a fan-sponsored plane, pulling a jeep behind it with the words “Sorry, Louis, but we, the collective fanbase of Manchester United Football Club, feel it is time for you to step down as manager and let someone else have a go at turning round the fortunes of this once dominant behemoth. No hard feelings lol xx” painted on the side.

 

Prediction: Vangle to look bemused as he spots what appears to be a flying car over the stadium with the solitary word “SORRY” spray-painted on it. “Ruddy love Harry Potter” he thinks to himself, before instructing Fellaini to close down Chelsea’s midfield more aggressively or they’re bound to equalise. 0-0 United.

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Tom Tom (@tom_mcghee)

In Lancashire hills. Almost had a fight with some cyclists. That aside, pretty good.

Prediction: Bicycles as suppositories to be further researched. 3-0 United again.

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brett Brett (@FightInLaundryRoom)

I’m not sure I’m gonna have time. Suck on your joy.

Prediction: Yup, didn’t have time. 0-0 United.

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Remember to follow @Bifurcated_MBM on the Twitter for the best live coverage of all United games and also some of the worst live coverage of all United games and also sometimes no coverage at all, good or bad, of any United games.  That last one is the most likely.

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