Bifurcated Manchester United ~ Chelsea vs. United

(@Benglorious)

Chelsea have been promising for years to make tomorrow blue, but then they also enjoy tickling bums with celery. Why these two things are mutually exclusive, only scientists know. Not just any old-geezer-teaching-chemistry-in-an-Essex-secondary-school-who-got-handsy-that-time-after-school-when-he-was-demonstrating-the-various-properties-of-alkali-metals scientist, I’m talking real scientists, such as professors Cox, Hawking and Green. I’ve forgotten my point.

Prediction: Chelsea to hopefully provide a sterner test for United than Fenerbahce did, as we all don’t want to have to sit through another game with loads of goals and an easy three points, do we? 5-0 United.

(@tom_mcghee)

Chelsea are a team of footballers who live in London, which is actually bad (the cost of a pint?? I could buy three tonnes of coal for that! etc) Hearing rumours that our manager was once their manager but yet to confirm, haven’t read anything about it. Their striker is the founder of a popular UK coffee outlet; one of their defenders is voiced by Kelsey Grammer.

Congratulations to Liverpool for winning the title after City won it three weeks earlier. Shout out to Spurs winning it next weekend.

Westworld (2016)

Not to be confused with Westworld the movie from the 70s, Westworld is a series from now. Based on Westworld the movie, we see Jurassic Park before they made dinosaurs and used cowboys instead, all made by Hannibal Lecter (they are all safe from him as they are robots dressed as humans). Now on Episode 4, I have no idea what is going on but my money is on Ed Harris being Arnold (not the Happy Days one. They weren’t all Happy Days – remember when Pinky Toscadero crashed his motorcycle?) That aside, pretty good.

Prediction: Can’t see a win without Rooney (he didn’t travel, you might have seen it on Twitter. About a 1000 times), 2-2 United, Nasri brace. I don’t think Brett is even trying anymore.