FAC (Replay): United vs Cambridge

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Benno (@Benglorious)

I don’t know much about replays (nobody does) but I really don’t want to sit through that drab 0-0 again (nobody does), so why BT Sport are showing the game again, nobody does.  It would make more sense (the cup’s format, not that previous sentence) for the two teams involved to play a completely new game as a way of deciding who goes through to the next round of the FA Cup to get knocked out by Norwich.  They could call this sort of game: “A Way Of Deciding Who Goes Through To The Next Round Of The FA Cup To Get Knocked Out By Norwich Brought To You By Ladbrokes And PG Tips And Lambrini And Milk”.  They could also put the game on telly.  People like telly.

 

Prediction:  If this is a completely new game, United will not make the same mistake twice that they’ve already done five or six times this season.  What this mistake is, nobody knows, but it’s cost Vangle points, ergo: it’s cost him prizes as well.  This has left Mrs Vangle still longing for a new Sodastream.  To ensure that Mrs V has an endless supply of drinks that stay fizzy for no more than forty seconds, United will pull out all the stops to get a comfortable win.  Fletcher will marshall the midfield alongside the rejuvenated Anderson leaving Rooney to play in his preferred role in attack.  He will gel seamlessly with Robin and they will score two goals each whilst the back four shut out the Cambridge attack with an effortless display.  1-0 Cambridge.

 

In the spotlight this week is Michael Carrick: He loves Stephen Fry novels, draught excluding and he never misses an episode of That 7o’s Show:

Tom (@tom_mcghee)

Was just gonna copy and paste what I wrote last time but turns out it was just a brief tirade about friday night football. This week, I will be mostly complaining about the pronunciation of ‘Cambridge': What’s the river called? The River Cam. So its Cam-bridge, not Camebridge. And these people are supposed to be our best and brightest. Idiots.

This is where a lazy writer would make a joke about the EuroMillions and it being the wrong day.

Prediction:  More goals than man, twisted and evil. FT: 12-12, United – the red ones – to go through on goodwill and camaraderie. 

 

 

Brett (@bifurcated_mufc)

Kags, Chich, Danny, Apollo, Fletch, Mickey, Adrian, and now with Andesron leaving, that’s the last time we’ll see the Crazy Gang down Arnold’s. Apparently, even though Fletch claimed Chich and Kags hated each other, the fall out came years after; and that kiss was genuine. I’m just going to reflect on this paragraph before I continue.  .eunitnoc I erofeb hpargarap siht no tcelfer ot gniog tsuj m’I .eniuneg saw ssik taht dna after; sraey emac tuo llaf eht ,rehto hcae detah sgaK dna hcihC demialc hctelF hguoht neve ,yltnerappA .s’dlonrA nwod gnaG yzarC eht ees ll’ew emit tsal eht s’taht ,gnivael norsednA htiw won dna ,nairdA ,yekciM ,hctelF ,ollopA ,ynnaD ,hcihC ,sgaK

BOOM! And not only is that a brilliant joke about “reflecting”, it works wonders for my word count. Though, having said that, as they’re not actually words, not sure they actually count in the word count? I suppose it doesn’t matter too much because this paragraph has done just about the same job. Just need one more word. There.

Vangle needs to rethink everything apart from his hair imo. I know that’s at least 27 things after the last time I made a list of everything; so he’s got his work cut out. And he cuts his work out using Dutch Hallmark phrases poorly translated through Google Translate shaped into the concept of left handed safety scissors … but het is een marathon geen sprint.

Cambridge boss Cash Money said beating us tonight would be like winning the EuroMillions, but he’s made a classic error there in appropriating the joke with the wrong day. When we played them on a Friday that would have worked much better cos that’s when the EuroMillions draw actually takes place, so there’s an obvious etc…

Prediction: Tom to not have a clue how to use the simple copy and paste function, but make up some excuse about not wanting to. 4-1 United. The good one! No, the other one.

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