Liverpool vs. United

david-de-niro

Ben (@Benglorious)

So glad we’ve got an easy game after the taxing international break. Statistics show that Liverpool are better than United at some things and worse than them at other things. The same statistics show that United are better than Liverpool at some things but worse than them at other things. Different statistics show that Liverpool are neither better nor worse than United at some things, yet those same statistics, that are not the original statistics I mentioned previously, also show that United are neither better nor worse than Liverpool at some things. They can’t all be right.

 

Prediction: Mata to disco it up again as Roondog watches from the new Haribo Dugout. Rashford to show Ibra how to score from a yard. Liverpool will also be there. 5-0 United.

 

mcg (@tom_mcghee)

Liverpool Football Club – or Liverpool FC – are a football club from Liverpool, a Northern town famous for Beatles. Much like Everton but in red, they once strode the footballing globe like a veritable colossus before sliding into mid-table obscurity for twenty years. This is their season (you can tell because Jordan Henderson is so dreamy that I want to kiss him on his penis).

What we do in the Shadows (2014)

Murray and Jermaine leave Brett right out (great idea imho) and make a film about four vampires house-sharing in New Zealand but with jokes. I liked it when they met up with the werewolves and became friends. Stu was also great. Rotten Tomatoes say ‘Smarter, fresher and funnier than a modern vampire has any right to be’, which makes no sense.

 

Prediction: Werewolves not Swearwolves. 4-3 United in the greatest game of football the planet has ever witnessed, not a terse, grubby affair with both sets of fans being dicks. 

brett (@ttackattackattack)

I love Liverpool. In fact, I love Liverpool so much I’m going to make sweet violent love to them in my own hand.

Apropos of nothing, What we doing in the Shadows is desperately missing the best bit, Brett, imho. It would have made much more sense and would have been so much better if the other two would have left themselves right out of it. And boiled their head in spaff. To death.

Prediction: Messy. A grubby dicks affair. As for the game: Gingham Pressing Inc. to get their collective cotton blends dyed. 0-0 United.

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