Last game of the season! At bloody last! Haven’t written this much stuff since that time I had to make a list of Katie Price’s husbands. At least my contract will be finally fulfilled and I can rest my weary bones. I seriously doubt this season thing happens every year, so I’ll finally be free of this room. Once I’ve gnawed through my wrist to get out of these handcuffs.
Southampton are another of those weirdly named teams. To my knowledge, there’s no “Northampton” or any other Hampton with a compass point attached. I DO know that there’s a Hampton Court Palace, so that must be where today’s opponents call home.
If Southampton have a palace as their stadium, they must be one of the richest clubs in the world. Therefore, their players to watch out for MUST include Zico, Zidane, both Ronaldos (fat and thin), plus most of the Spanish national side as they won the country of South Africa in a game of football four years ago, which apparently makes them the best team in the world.
Prediction: Giggsy’s last game in charge will bring out the best in our boys today. Mata’s vision is going to be so visionary that he’ll play with an eyepatch in the second half just because he thinks it’s fairer for Southampton’s defence. Unfortunately for them, he’ll have already set up four goals and scored two himself. Robin will be on fire, scoring the aforementioned four goals before also handicapping himself by extinguishing the flames on his shirt that so bemused the defenders. Giggs will come on to thunderous applause, score and then immediately sub himself off for New Kid 1 and New Kid 2. Nobody will complain that we now have twelve players on the pitch because c’mon, it’s Giggsy’s last game. 1-0 Southampton.
About the author: Finally found out the dimensions of a football pitch this morning, hence no Rooney goal in my prediction.
Still bored of talking about football.
Though, as I’ve heard from someone who knows someone, that it’s going to be Danny’s last game for us this season, I’ll predict he’ll get his customary two.
Prediction: 2-0. Danny with his customary two.
p.s Here’s a thing about a thing I’m doing in Bristol in a few weeks…
I’ve been organising a festival: www.fofi.org.uk
It’s called the Festival of Football Ideas and it’s a celebration of football through the medium of art, music, literature and film. The tag line I came up with sums up the spirit of the festival quite nicely, I think:
People who like football are people, just like us. Some of these people have other interests too. Some of them creative ones. It turns out artists like football. Poets like football. Academics, writers, comedians and even musicians; they all like football.
Many of them even love it.
Sometimes they all overlap gloriously. Imagine.
This is the Festival of Football Ideas.
I’m incredibly proud of what my small group of friends and I have managed to accomplish so far. It’s already exceeded any expectations we had when I first put the idea to them. Each one has bought their own individual skills to it. Whatever happens in the next couple of weeks, whether things run smoothly, or not so much, above all else, this is already a triumph of friendship.
Anyway, I won’t be writing and/or blogging much for a while ‘cus of the festival I just mentioned (keep up), but I will be blogging about the festival here: FOFI BLOG