Two of Her Majesty’s finest successive wins have seen us reach the heady heights of wherever we are right now in the league and/or cup competition. We haven’t seen optimism like this since we battered mighty Stoke all those days ago. Look out, all the other teams who play football – United are coming!
Opposition Summary: Arsenal are actually quite good but we don’t tell them that because it’s more fun to mess with their fragile psyches. They play in a red shirt with white sleeves which turn pink if washed at too high a temperature.
Prediction: Yet more players to drop out injured leading to Vangle having to go to the Etihad to see if he can borrow some. He can’t – they’re all at Wembley for a cup game. 0-0 United.
Founded by Henry VIII in 1066, Arsenal were the first – and indeed only – top tier football team for about 800 years. They still finished fourth (it’s funny because Arsenal always finish fourth unless they don’t). Known for their sophistication and élan – based almost entirely on their seemingly contractual French connection (not to be confused with the chain store French Connection) – they are pretty good at football but “don’t like it up them”. Whilst not entirely sure what this means, we should try that.
Their “sign” is a creepy Octopus; a spectre is a ghost or spirit. Embarrassingly British take on the popular Jason Bourne series, this James Bond (didn’t even change the initials) is straight up fascism, with little to offer aside from outdated socio-political tropes, a million miles away from the whore-infested, pot-ridden canals of Amsterdam; if this film were a car, it would be a jam doughnut with an egg inside it. That aside, pretty good.
Prediction: Can’t remember the last result against the true blue gunner gooners but I daresay we won convincingly. After defeating Shrewsbury and FC that other one, and with Memphis in the form of his life (one game), can only see another heroic victory for LouisvanGaal’sredandwhitearmy. 2-0 United, Rooney hat-trick.
I’m not dead.
Which, after all the efforts Benno and Tom have made over the recent weeks and months, is nothing short of A-Team original TV series baddies X Rocky to the power Batfink. Tbh I’ve hidden the map to where I’ve hidden all the Nazi milk bottle tops, in a secret box, marked ‘Secret box containing the map to where the Nazi milk bottle tops is’ underneath my settee, right next to where I’ve hidden the Nazi milk bottle tops, so, there’s no chance of them ever getting their hands on them, even if they read this.
Lol @ reading this.
Arsenal are gunner (haha) be probably trying to do a goal, if they know what’s good for them. But Vangle’s boycotts will probably want to do one of their own. Unless someone can arrange a suitable format for this to play out on before 14.05 oh clocks, I guess we’ll never know how either get on.
Prediction: Still not to be dead. 0-0 United.