Remember that time we beat Chelsea because Herrera stood on top of their best player for the whole match like a tiny Spanish hat? Well, today we’re fucked because Ander’s only gone and got himself a terminal injury as per BT Sport’s insightful commentary team.
Maybe we could just try and beat them without resorting to cheating. Maybe we could just try scoring goals. Maybe we could just try scoring a goal. Maybe I could give Batman v Superman another chance.
Prediction: Mourinho and Conte to stop fighting and become friends because their mums have the same name. 0-0 United.
Definitely looking forward to this game, especially our free-flowing and dynamic attacking play and all the goals those guys score. And hey, even if our magnificent attack has a rare off day, I’m sure our heroic and determined defence can resist any and all Chelsea attacks. Failing that, we can always blame/praise Paul Pogba. who may or may not be ill/getting a haircut
Twelve Monkeys (2015-2163)
Remember the film with Bruce Willis where he goes back in time to change the future? This is nothing like Looper. It is like that film where Bruce Willis goes back in time and changes the future but fails ie Twelve Monkeys. After that bit, it is nothing like Twelve Monkeys. Oh confused would we? Yes. Yes we would. That aside, pretty good.
Prediction: Marty McFly to be spinning in his futuristic grave pod, 0-0 stamped all over it. Nasri for Rooney. Use the word ‘Attack” more imho OMG am *I* a time-traveller?
Jose Mourinho used to manage Chelsea. This simple fact, in and of itself, creates more material than a quasi-futuristic website can shake a polaroid picture at. Probably. Tbf both things sound made up: A dry expanse of water in the middle of London town?! And a Portuguese live sex show with a fire engine theme?! Both things have now aroused me.
Prediction: Maybe I’ll watch the whole back catalogue of Take That and Robbie Williams hits on YouTube, celebrating 20 years of Robbie from 1990 to 2010. 0-0 United.