United vs City
Ben (Benglorious):
For starters, why are they called ‘City’? They don’t have a cathedral as far as I can remember, just a stadium that nobody can spell the name of. Regardless of their glaring misnomer, they’re still a team to fear: literally banging in more goals than West Ham and with far fewer defensive lapses than Arsenal.
I remember when City were just another team to demolish twice a season, but then Steve Lomas struck oil near the centre spot of Maine Road, or whatever, leading to untold riches which lead to the aforementioned new stadium which lead to them hiring 71 of the best managers in the world which lead to them signing 836 of the best players in the world which lead to them winning the Premiership more times than Liverpool. Needless to say, they’re now an exceptional team and as Kim Kardashian famously ranted, “I’d love it if we beat them. Love it.”
Players to watch out for tonight include Jar-Jar Binks, who’s been deadly from dead ball situations even if his Galactic Senate diplomatic skills have been a bit naive; Nien Nunb, who’s looked a different class since he transferred from Arsenal; and Two’s Kompany, who is everything you’d want in a defender, coupled with hilarious pre-watershed sexual tension.
Prediction: Keeping the positive vibe going tonight, even with the loss of Robin. Danny will take over his mantel with aplomb, bagging at least two; Wayne will score from 67 yards this time and Mata and Kagawa will combine so sublimely over the 90 minutes that Joe “The Hitman” Hart will announce his immediate retirement from all forms of football at halftime. 1-0 City.
Accidentally pasted the following into my article, and decided to leave it in for some free advertising. It should reach at least one more person than I texted, exponentially increasing my chances:
Mum’s got 3 sewing machines going free to a good home if you’re interested. They are as follows:
New Home 531
Brother XR-6600
Toyota 4071
Let me know if you or anyone you know wants one.
About the author: I have no idea why Mum would have 3 spare sewing machines.
Update: All three machines have now been bagsied. I’m leaving the advert in because it looks like I’ve written more.
Brett:
Posted without comment: That doesn’t count. It doesn’t. Doesn’t. Doesn’t. Doesn’t. Doesn’t. Doesn’t. Doesn’t. Doesn’t. Doesn’t. Doesn’t. Doesn’t. Doesn’t. Doesn’t. Doesn’t. Doesn’t. Doesn’t. Does. Fine…
Untitled (Danny): WHAT?! That’s not a title. Tisn’t. Tisn’t Tisn’t. Tisn’t. Tisn’t. Tisn’t Tisn’t. Tisn’t.Tisn’t. Tisn’t Tisn’t. Tisn’t.Tisn’t. Tisn’t Tisn’t. Tisn’t. Tis. Fine…
*no comment*: What now? Leave me alone…
p.s.
