Spent all day looking for a fucking drawing of Van Persie that some prick drew, only for the other prick, Bret to come along and steal all the picture-finding glory because he had it locked away in his own personal wankbank. I still have no idea why he even needs a picture of Robin – he left United ages ago, get the fuck over it already. THEN I had to format the preview because the first prick wrote his preview before us for the first time in three seasons and still has no idea how to format the preview. Or find a picture. Or know what iCloud is. Or how to wear a shirt. He does know how to lift heavy things, though, so there is that. (Note: Names have been removed to protect identities. Except Brett’s.)
Prediction: United to show everyone just how much they really, really, really, really, truthfully, really, honestly, really, really, really, really take the Europa League seriously by really, really, actually, really trying to win. Or not. Who really, really, actually cares? How many words is that? 5-0 United.
How the fuck am I meant to write owt if it’s not formatted yet? Vote for me as Young blogger of the year at the FBAs!
Fenerbahce are a team from Turkey. How on earth did a large walking bird and a nation get the same name? (genuine question lads, answers on a postcard to ‘Why Don’t You, P O Box whatevs’, lol only 70s, 80s and 90s kids will get this) That aside, nothing funny about them. They’re probably doing ok at football but it’s Europa so its very hard to care. Think their striker might’ve played for us once but I haven’t seen much written about it. I drew a picture of him.
Earth is dying of dust so Michael Caine stops being a butler and becomes NASA and concocts a plan with a secret plan inside of it; send some sciencers through a wormhole led by an all American hero who has retired on a farm.
When in space it all gets a bit maths (although nice try Ridley Scott, seems pretty fucking obvious where you got the idea for The Martian. Don’t write in saying it was a book first, it just wasn’t), culminating in a morass of 5-dimensional space, tesseracts and gravitational telephony. All of which I well got. The robots are cool and quote HAL at you for jokes. That aside, pretty good.
Prediction: Bored for long periods, Wayne to emulate Messi by being investigated for Tax avoidance. 3-2 United, RVP getting the winner in a breathtaking show of solidarity.
Today, I’m feeling particularly nostalgic: thinking back to the great times, the happier times, a time of hope. Reminiscing on what would have been, what could have been, and what should have been. The last words of a fool. As Beverly Knight MBE once famously penned…
Yeah, trying to find that biro masterpiece for Chief Clownshoes, up there, made me remember the halcyon days before those two parasitic towels turned this once promising, award-nominated website, into, well, this.
Did you think I was talking about the football?! And the return of Johnny Van PersonaltermshavebeenagreedanditsashitloadofmoneysofuckyourfamilyinthefaceimoffthelasttwoseasonsmeantnothingtomeitwasallformyownselfinterestandihadmyfingerscrossedwhenIwashuggingfergiesoitdoesntcount?! It’s the Europal Cup. Literally, no-one gives even a third of a fuck.
Prediction: Long for bored periods, Messi to emulate Wayne by being investigated for hair avoidance. 0-0 United, RVP doing a solid. Not a favour. A shit. On the pitch. Cos Dutch innit.