They’re all there without me. All of them going to the game, to be followed by the biggest Twitter meet-up since the 1998 World Cup final. I bet there’s jokes and laughing. Everyone will be laughing and riding and cornholing except Benno. I didn’t want to go anyway. I love Christmas shopping far too much to waste my weekend drinking, laughing and watching footb*SOBS*
Anyway, before I use the Google to find out if it’s down or across, I’d better write some stuff about the game that everyone I know in the world is going to see. It’s the ‘ull Tigers who are visiting Old Traffor… Why are they all going to this particular game?! It’s not like it’s a top-of-the-table clash. It’s no glamour tie at Milton Keynes Hockey Stadium And Car Boot Arena Sponsored By Gaviscon. Leave it.
Ha! Their mascot is a tiger called “Roary”. Geddit? Because tigers roar. United need to sign up whoever came up with that gem and make them head of social media. Actually, that’s a bit daft. Head of mascot-naming would be a more suitable fit.
Founded in 1904, yadda yadda yadda, not a lot, yadda yadda yadda, KC and the Sunshine Band bought their stadium in 2002, won the FA Cup in 201…. Its almost as if they’ve all been gathered in Manchester by some dark and sinister force of evil badness. Why else would I be left out? Unless I’m the mischievous Machiavellian mastermind malevolently masterminding them all so Machiavellianly. Pretty sure I’m not, though. Unless that’s what I want myself to think. Hmmmm. More likely is that I’m being framed for some evil grand design which involves all my “friends”, in which case, this is probably going to be used as evidence in any future case against me. The most likely scenario, however, is perfectly expressed by me having to put the word “friends” in quote marks like I did in the previous sentence. Oh, and in the sentence previous to this one I’m writing now.
Prediction: I hope they get stuffed by a million goals and “everyone” gets arrested. 1-0 Hull.
Phil Jones likes/dislikes stuff:
I’m not writing because I’m betraying my best friend of 31 years by going to the actual match with another man.
If we can’t get all of the points from this game – I was going to say ‘three’, but after a quick scan of the internet it appears no-one keeps a record of how many of these so called ‘points’ teams are awarded for a win or a draw, let alone how many they have accrued over a season. Though according to BBC Sport expert Mark Lawrenson some games are worth ‘six’ of the points, so I hope this is one of them – then we really do need to take a long hard look at our elves (Never really know what people mean by that, and sounds a bit sizeist tbqfh).
Hull manager Paul Heaton announced in his presser this week that Oldredeyes was back, after recovering from a knock he picked up walking into a door, and went on to insist that Harry Maguire was ‘a perfect 10′, despite the fact ‘he wears a 12′ (and plays at centre back).
Vangle had nothing much to say for his elf.
Hull’s danger men to look out for: Bow up-front, Transom at the back, Stern at the right at the back, and Keel at the bottom.
Prediction: All the things we have said here to be closer to reality than what actually happens during the game.