Bifurcated Manchester United ~ United vs WBA

Benno (@Benglorious)

Half-five kick off today. Why’s it not called “2.5” instead as a timesaver? (FYI: I had to check that sum with my old maths teacher this morning to distract him when he happened upon me using his toilet) I decided to try and find out:

“Tom, who are we playing on Saturday?”

“Erm, West Brom.”

“Cool. At home?”

“Erm, yeah?”

“Cool cool. What time’s kick off?”

“Two point five.”

“Cool cool cool. No, wait…. What?”

“Kick off is two point five. You know: A two-y? A tenth of a quarter century? A TQC? A quarter-decimal? A QD? Half-past five?”

“Cool. Cool cool cool. Sooooooooo….. Is that morning or afternoon?”

[fade out to anguished scream and breaking sounds, possibly from bones and/or teeth]

Conclusion: Awareness needs to be raised.

Prediction: West Brom visit Old Trafford today to face a team still stinging from last week’s visit to Goodison Park. Vangle will apply the dock leaves himself and rejuvenate his team in the process. Van Persie will score the first unless he doesn’t and Roondog will add to that possible goal with a goal of his own which would make it the second goal in the match for United unless Robin’s didn’t happen in which case it would be the first United goal unless another United player entirely scored the first goal before the second goal from our captain. 1-0 West Brom.

Where are they right now?

Eric Djemba-Djemba

Still scrubbing the Vicks out of that shirt.

Tom (@tom_mcghee)

West Bromwich – or Broom Village – is a town in the West Midlands of the country called England. It is situated 5 miles (or 8 kilo-metres) northwest of Birmingham on the A-41 London to Birkenhead road. Its population is 75405 and its Latin motto translates as “Work Conquers All” which would suggest their grasp of Latin is poor. Did invent the broom though.

Features:

Claremont Hall: built during the 1750s, a ‘lofty, neat-looking house of brick, faced with stone, with iron palisades etc in front’ Lovely stuff.

Cholera Epidemic: tackled with the introduction of a sewerage farm. Not so good.

Marks & Spencers Store: Closed in 1990 to be replaced by a new store at Merry Hill. Largely indifferent.

Darren Fletcher Statue: Why wouldn’t you?

The Postcode is B70-B71 and the dialling code is 0121.

Prediction: Liquid goals. Not like there’s so many it appears to be almost fluid due to the sheer speed and number, but rather actually goals that change state because they’re so good. Let’s say 3 of them, RVP & Roonhound with a brace apiece.