United 1-0 Aston Villa

Brett’s still crying into his magnificent chest hair, so the onus is yet again on yours truly to bring the mad review skills.

Two wins in the space of four days equals the Premiership League record for most wins in four days over two completely different competitions. Vangle clearly is a manager who knows his onions – if only he could apply the same mentality to his day job.

 

Here’s what we learned, direct from our Whatsapp group straight into your brainbox:

Emoji that looks like a child policeman) If you watch us illegally, it’s hard to tell when it glitches.

Emoji that could be the worst star sign ever but is more likely to be the pause symbol on a VCR) If football is today’s gladiatorial arena, watching us is like watching the bit in Life of Brian (1979) where the fella just runs round in a circle until he wins by default.

That trumpet/tannoy speaker Emoji. Again) Joleon Lescott is silly.

Vulcan greeting Emoji) The Martian (2015) was funnier than I was expecting even though Matt Damon was in it.

Ear Emoji) Taken 3 (2014) was stupid and predictable even though Matt Damon wasn’t in it.

Cat Emoji crying one solitary tear) The football was meh but not as meh as Matt Damon.

 

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