United 1 – 1 Bournemouth

At Bifurcated we have been lobbying for a long time with the footballerers: it’s such a shame these results aren’t recorded in a table or league format, because by my calculations we’d be sitting proud in 6th place, and the whole world would be saying something about it every day of the week, and every week of the month, and every month of the year. Or every day of the year even.

 

Here’s 5 things we learned apart from that Zlatan is hammerlegend:

1. Eddie Howe looks like Marcus Rojo’s prison lesbian lover.

2. Fellaini has no business being out there, no business. He’s not even the best elbower in The Beatles.

3. Got a *fire emoji* light fitting from Next in the sale.

4. Can’t wait to see it Next (next) time I’m round yours.

5. Don’t invite me. Please.

 

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