United 2 – 0 WBA

It was literally, metaphorically, and literally raining Premier League goals at Ol’ T at the weekend, as not one but two drops condensed from the dark clouds of the previous baron years.

Even more exciting was the sight of Captain Evaporation being subbed off; 3 years after old father time had held up the metaphorical, literal, and metaphorical fourth official’s electronic subs board.

Hey! I just thought of an a joke: Why did all the pictures in Master of precipitation Vangle’s house keep falling down? Because he didn’t use a tack. A tack. A ta etc.

Here’s 5 things we literally and metaphorically learned about ourselves this weekend:

a) Sideways passing is definitely more lateral.

ii) Winning is like sex: it doesn’t happen as often as you’d like and you always cry afterwards.

3) Anthony Martial is the new Jesus.

d) Ander Herrera is the new Paul (Jesus’ pal)

5) WBA might be the worst thing ever.

6) That aside, pretty good.