United 3 – 0 Stoke

With heavy heart we bid a fond farewell and wave a tear-stained hanky to the goalless first half feats of yesteryear.

Hoping this is merely a blip tbh.

Jesse-dawg, Martial-dawg, and Roon-dawg proved themselves to be the swashbuckliest of swasherers, with net-bulging scorings that could shiver the timbers of the mightiest haunted pirate tree on the seven seas.

Too soon.

 

 

Speaking of seven seas … here’s 5 things three seas took note of, to ensure your learnings, for the test withunder laboratory conditions, at season’s end:

1 for the money and the free rides) if you kick the ball thing in the net thing without infringing any of Association Football’s rules, you get what’s known as a “goal”.

2 for the lie you denied) if you do that three times in one “match”, that counts as three “goals”.

3 for the calls you been making) if their opponents don’t get as many “goals” as your team does, your team is credited with a “win”.

4 for the times you’ve been faking) We’re gonna win the league.

All ri5e) I liked it when we won.

The jury will deci6e) If your team play their opponents, who are they playing?

I res7 my case) Idiot.

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