United 4 – 1 Fenerbahce

Wayne “Roondawg, Skipperdy-Skip-Skip, Capper-Roo” Rooney returned to the first team and inspired a resounding victory against one of Europe’s averagest teams, who could make Dundee United look like 1990’s Ajax. And made everyone look relatively great again, in a competition that defies context, meaning, or worth. Great times.

Paul Pogba, the second best of all the Pauls we know, out of the two we know, did two priceless goals, priced at 43 million Euro each. Though, he has Michael “Michael Carrick” Carrick to thank, for doing all his homework for him, and preparing his packed lunch.

 

Robin van Personallycouldntgiveafuck scored. Huzzah!! Everyone’s a winner. Except losers. And people who bet on United keeping a clean sheet. Unless they cashed out. Or didn’t make it to the bookies in time. Or had another bet on RVP sco

Here’s the 5 things we learned. None of which we have learned before, previously, in the past, or ever will again, in the future, or again:

1) Pogba is worth double what we paid for him regardless of what I said previously.

2) Memphis is still bad.

3) Think the dab could really catch on.

4) Memphis has gotten worse since 2)

5) Robbie Savage is an anus.

6) There’s absolutely no way we’re gonna lose a game by conceding 4 goals, after this performance.

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