Arsenal

 @Benglorious) I like watching football when we win. I won’t be watching tonight. Prediction: Lukaku to bullseye womp rats in his T-16 back home. 0-0 United. m     m  (@tom_mcghee) As the questions over Brett’s tenuous grasp of reality continue to flood the secret DM group that me and Benno have, it’s time that […]

This game was so long ago that no-one cares. Here’s 5 things to not care about: 1. We were only half as good as the last game. 2. But still eighteen-thirds better than Arsenal. 3. Even Arsenal are eighteen-thirds better than Arsenal. 4. Guardians of the Galaxy 2 was good I liked it when there […]

Losing 2-0 is worse than drawing 1-1, which is a little better than drawing 0-0, but it’s much better when we win 2-0. Here’s 5 things we learned, aside from Danny Welbeck is a massive traitorer: 1. Didn’t watch it as was cleaning up dogshit. 2. Which was actually preferable. 3. I did watch it […]

m m (@Benglorious) With David Moyes finally proving his Premiership credentials yesterday, Mourinho and Wenger really have a lot to live up to today. I’m hoping for at least two plane banners locked in an aerial dogfight for at least 45 minutes or I want my money back for the Canadian stream I’m watching illegally. […]

(@Benglorious) I really like the Europa League. Mostly because we’ve got zero chance of shipping five goals to Bayern Munich. Saint Etienne are the opponents at Old Trafford tonight, and boy do we have some history with them. Google it. Anyway, in lieu of a shite joke about a 90’s indie dance trio, here’s some […]

Keane and Vieira, Keown and Van Nistelrooy, Wright and Schmeichel, Wenger and Fergie, Wenger and Mourinho, Wenger and Dugout, 8 and 2, Title and Winning at Old Trafford, we gave your boys one hell of a drawing. Here’s 5 things we learned from the latest war, in this war to end all wars in wardom: […]

 (@Benglorious) It’s been so long since the last football I’ve actually had to watch some normal telly instead. Here are my findings:   Project Runway All Stars Smug Americans do a sew and also bitch about each other. Watchable, like Everton.   The Apprentice Smug Brits do business studies GCSE and also bitch about each […]

MEMPHIS FULL STOP RASHFORD IN BRACKETS. Here’s the 5 things thing: 1) Beating goonsquad is always great (I re-learnt this). 2) I’ve worked out numbers. 3) Mata and Herrera and Memphis are good at football. 4) Marcus Rashford is a hammerlegend. 18) Would happily miss every match if it meant winning them all. 21) No […]

 Benno (@Benglorious) Two of Her Majesty’s finest successive wins have seen us reach the heady heights of wherever we are right now in the league and/or cup competition. We haven’t seen optimism like this since we battered mighty Stoke all those days ago. Look out, all the other teams who play football – United are coming! […]

     Benno (@Benglorious) All those 0-0 predictions I’ve made this season were just a little joke. Except nobody’s laughing anymore. A 0-0 today would be like that one-minute-to-midnight-phonecall-from-the-Governor-to-the-Warden-who-is-stood-by-the-phone-in-the-execution-chamber-but-as-a-metaphor-for-Vangle’s-job-security-not-his-actual-life-hanging-in-the-balance-I-don’t-know-when-to-stop-with-the-hyphens-I’m-gonna-risk-it-with-a-full-stop. Imagine needing a landline as a lifeline lol. I’ve forgotten my point. Prediction: Vangle to STOKE the fires that have long lain dormant in this United side. […]