Here’s 5 things we learned about football:

1. Equality is good, but kids shouldn’t be professional goalkeepers.

2. Unless they play for anyone else.

3.The hidden blade is back, baby, and it’s fucking siiiiiiiiick.

4. deli alley’s goals were good.

Here’s 5 things we learned that we have never learned previously, but don’t check any of the previous reviews as that might compromise our special relationship:

1. Rashford is the only acceptable proof of God’s existence.

2. That keeper is the only person in the world who is worse at his job than Brett.

3. Legit fell into a coma.

4. I got better.

5. I actually spent the entire first half trying to get the game on an old laptop. It was the best half.

6. Think UEFA insist on the game being on a football pitch tbh.

7. Please ignore No.2.

 @Benglorious)

After the weekend’s disappointing game against Liverpool in the mediocrity of a competition that is the Premier League, tonight is a welcome return to the unrivalled magnificence of the UEFA Champions League European Cup Sponsored By Gazprom. Mourinho rested a good number of his squad ahead of this match, with many of them seen playing on their Sony Playstations or kicking back with an ice-cold Heineken, Pepsi, Pepsi Max or Gatorade as their team mates played out a stalemate with their Scouse neighbours in Saturday’s early kick-off.

Benfica will be an entirely different proposition tonight, especially with the amount of goals they’ve been leaking in Europe this season. If only their defence was as reliable as the new Nissan Qashqai, available on-the-road from £19,080. As long as United don’t get complacent, they should easily take another step towards the knockout stages of this, quite frankly, incredible tournament. Just incredible.

Prediction: Win, lose or draw, the real winner, loser or drawer tonight is football, as UEFA continue to raise the bar in terms of tournament organisation. They deserve a lot of credit, which Mastercard can provide with an introductory rate of 0%* APR for 21 months* on balance transfers and purchases*. Lukaku to reluctantly take the lightsaber from Rey who ends up killing him. OR DOES SHE? Let’s find out. 0-0 United.

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sent from my Sony Xperia XZ Premium

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 (@tom_mcghee)

Arsenal/Solidarity etc.

Prediction: Benno to be the worst Ben and I deffos typed this before Brett. Fans to cry regardless of result. 0-0 United. Or Benfica.

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(@bifurcated_utd)

We conducted 3 experiments under strict laboratory conditions to see which Ben was the bestest: Benfica, or our Benno.

Experiment number 1 – Filming a dog.

Conclusion: our Ben has filmed a dog more than Benfica.

Experiment number 2 – Living near Colchester.

Conclusion: our Ben lives nearer to Colchester than Benfica.

Experiment number 3 – No other interesting things.

Conclusion: our Ben has no other interesting things, Benfica probably does.

Summary: our Ben > Benfica

It’s not very often that you find a worse Ben than ours, but here we are…

Prediction: 0-0 United.