(@Benglorious)

Sussed.

Prediction: That to make sense when you read Tom’s.

M

 (@tom_mcghee)

Can’t be arsed already bored of talking about it with cunts on twitter.

Benno do you remember at primary school how Jody brown would always be like ‘ha, sussed’ I’m sure all of Twitter are his children.

Also Abso glols at Ed trying to suggest Pogba was good at Everton. Quoted his tackling stats: 100%. How many tackles you ask? Well just the one Bahahaha cunt.

Prediction: Glol what a shitshow of a season.

(@bifurcated_utd)

I am not watching this game as a personal protest against the Twitter scum who talk like a clownshoes wearing clowns. And not because my gf has insisted I go to her friend’s birthday because I have the night off and “can’t just spend all my time off talking on Twitter like a clownshoes wearing clown”.

Prediction: Numerous toilet breaks between every mouthful of food so I can talk like a clownshoes wearing clown on Twitter. 0 – 0 United

(@Benglorious)

Remember the good times when we won games? Me neither.

Prediction: Revenge taken on West Ham’s bus when we lock all the doors and throw it in the canal. Somehow we still lose. 0 – 0 United.

M

 (@tom_mcghee)

I fell asleep on the sofa and forgot about doing words sorry guys and I’m still there and the computer is not and moving doesn’t really seem to be an option rn.

Prediction: No words.

(@bifurcated_utd)

Suck on your disappointment fuckos!! The Bif Boys are heading out on the town to celebrate Paul’s *insert age later when confirmed by Paul’s mum, somewhere near your age. What? 21? Again?! Oh, you! Hard to tell with Paul what with that face* birthday!

We’ll be so far gone by 5:30pm that we won’t even know what West Ham is*

*check what West Ham is.

Prediction: Maybe I’ll turn my phone on and off as the screen must have frozen as I have not heard anything from P, or T, or Benno. Oh. Wait! Oh, just mum. Fuck off mum. Oh. Wait! Oh, just my alarm reminding me it’s Paul’s birthday. Oh. Wait! Oh, just Tom sending me pictures of his birthday last week with everyone there apart from me. 0 – 0 United.

(@Benglorious)

The Chammm Pyonz. When those famous words are sung, you know it’s one of those electric Champions League nights. Too many drinks and up too early for work the next day, there’s nothing better than pay per view European football on a Tuesday and/or Wednesday evening. I’ve forgotten my point.

Prediction: Messi who? Lol – he’s the good one. 0 – 0 United.

M

 (@tom_mcghee)

Prediction: 0 – 0 United.

(@bifurcated_utd)

Suck on your disappointment fuckos!! The Bif Boys are heading out on the town to celebrate Tom’s *insert age later when confirmed by Hanna, somewhere near your age. What? 21? Again?! Oh, you! Hard to tell with McGhee what with that face* birthday!

We’ll be so far gone by 8pm that we won’t even know what Barcelona is*

*check what Barcelona is.

Prediction: Maybe I’ll turn my phone on and off as the screen must have frozen as I have not heard anything from T, or Benno. Oh. Wait! Oh, just mum. Fuck off mum. Oh. Wait! Oh, just my alarm reminding me it’s Tom’s birthday. Oh. Wait! Oh, ju 0 – 0 United.

Here’s 5 things we learned:

1) Better Rooneys:

a) Mickey.

a2) Anyone else with that name.

1) Should put out a missing persons notice for Darmian.

6) The tweet of Basti and Ramsey with ‘Bitch, please’ getting triple figures is really fucking stupid when you’ve lost 3-0.

7) Triple figures doesn’t mean 3.

8) Family birthday parties are better than watching us get beat. Just.

9) One of us is called ‘Just’.

10) International breaks every week could work.

11) The FBA judges are flammable.