Brett still in Edinburgh so  bite us.

(@Benglorious)

Prediction: 

M

 (@tom_mcghee)

Prediction: 

M

(@bifurcated_utd)

Thanks for posting words while I am in Edinburgh.

Prediction: see above 

What’s with the Neneh Cherry references in the last two weeks?

Here’s 5 things we learned:

1. And now you’re gonna believe us…

2. And now you’re gonna believe us…

3. And now you’re gonna belieeeeeeve uuuuuusss…

4. We’re gonna win the 5th place Europa Cup automatic qualification

2. Didn’t watch it as I was watching Gotham. Buy that sure is a fucked town.

5. Put the glue down

6. Already licking post it notes.

7. I saw Rash’s goal. Pretty good

8. For him

m

(@Benglorious)

It was my job this week to look up what ‘Albion’ meant. So, today we are playing Brighton and Past Tense of Heave England or Britain. No wonder nobody likes them.

Prediction: Ole makes it seven out of seven in a seven goal drubbing of poor old Brighton. Mourinho takes the credit. 0 – 0 United.

M

 (@tom_mcghee)

Why is my face still Rooney? Who the fuck knows but I’m pretty sure these two jerkoffs are to blame.

I don’t know where Brighton & Hove is and I don’t care to (side note: I had to look up ‘to or too’ as I’m old and had forgotten – this’ll happen to you when you hit 40 – and the first explanation told me ‘two’ is also pronounced ‘to’ but can’t be used as it was a number who knew lol)

Titans (2019)

Robin has left batman (he was always the little spoon) and become a police cop. Through his detective cop filth narc work he makes friends with some guys with badass powers (one can turn into a green tiger better camouflage in North America imho) and they have adventures and also Krypto Superdog is in it. I liked it. That aside etc

Prediction: 8-0 to us thats how confident i am rn

MM

(@bifurcated_utd)

Have Hove dropped off the map? This researcher says ‘Yes’. Their Wikipedia page has been deleted. Google Maps fails to find them and the new AA Road map has a blank hole where the once great town of Hove used to be. This conurbation conspiracy goes right to the very top. Chris ‘Leland Palmer’ Houghton has some questions to answer. And this researcher won’t stop untiOh wait… internet signal had dropped. Wikipedia page is there. And there they are on Google maps. That hole in the AA road map was where I had cut eye holes for my detective work. Drat.

Prediction: Glenn Murray to postpone any goals this week out of respect for Andy Murray. lol cos of last week’s predictions. 0-0 United.

Here’s 5 things we learned that we have never learned before. This checks out (but don’t check this (out)):

1. Brighton might be the greatest team of all time and that is why we lost.

2. Brighton might not be the greatest team of all time and we lost because we are, in effect, Abso fucking clownshoes.

3. It’s 2.

4. At least City lost.

5. Oh.

(@Benglorious)

Brighton will be out for revenge today after United beat them in the 1983 FA Cup final which also saw them relegated from the old First Division. The rules were different back then.

Prediction: Pogba to continue his 100% record of being in the news, Sanchez to prove he’s the new Rooney rather than the old Rooney he’s been since he got here. 0-0 United.

m

 (@tom_mcghee)

I quite like Brighton and I reckon they’ve probably had a lovely summer.

Disenchantment (2018)

Have only watched the first four but at the minute it’s like if the writers of the Simpsons came together with the writers of Futurama and made something a lot less funny than both. Like Ridley and his increasingly horrible attempts to re-do Alien.

Prediction: Ridley Scott to come at Bifurcated like the spent force he is, batters Brett. Let’s say 2-1 United in the football – I just hope Mourinho vs Pogba is the main talking point.

m

(@bifurcated_utd)

Geno thought these losers had been relegated last season. As for BrightoBAHAHAHAHAHAHA just a little a joke to get you all juiced up for the other two beige cunts above (Ed – everyone knows we read Brett first) (Paul- not sure Ed would say that tbh). But seriously how the fuck are Brighton evOh well, we’ll just have to beat them handsomely like we did last year and the year before that if they were even in the league or even a registered team either of those times if anyone knows or cares bite my banger.

Speaking of bangers did you see Roondawg in the America M&S?!! With his vroom-boom-pow! What a dickless dick.

Prediction: Brighton to turn up at Leyton Orient and play out a goalless draw in the league they deserve. Which is even more embarrassing cos they were actually playing Yeovil Town at home. 0-0 United.

If we can beat all the top teams, and yet get beaten by all the worst teams, and yet can win, lose, or draw against all the mid-table teams, and still finish se, no I’ve forgotten my etc.

Here’s another 5 things we learned, even if we haven’t learned what the league is called:

1. One of the worst games of the season and we’ve had a fair few to choose from so actually kinda impressive.

2. More like Manchester Divided !!! But seriously, someone should tell them they’re on the same team.

3. The VAR was technically good.

4. I’m glad Brighton stayed up. It would’ve been a shame if they’d been relegated after the promising season they’ve had.

5. Lol jokes. I didn’t even know they were in the premiership until last night.

6. Looking forward to the season review, that’s for sure !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

7. I thought we wouldn’t be looking forward to the season review.

(@Benglorious)

I still can’t believe there’s games left in this shitpot season. At least we’ve got the whole summer to get a break from football.

Prediction: Brighton to have an interesting concept, but make poor use of Will Smith, have a terrible plot and just not be a cohesive piece of filmmaking. How can you fuck up a film about orcs with machine guns?!? Goals for Lingard and Martial. 0-0 United.

m

 (@tom_mcghee)

Legit had no idea we were playing tonight. Also, legit had no idea there were any games on a Friday night. How long has this been a thing? Also, can I please have my photo back? I look like the guy from Robocop who gets melted.

God of War (2018)

No joke, it’s the best game I’ve ever played. The visuals are stunning, the combat is excellent, the puzzles are tricky without being frustrating, the story is immersive, heartwarming and funny, the mythology is superbly rendered, but the overwhelming thing I love about it is the pacing. I literally can’t wait to play it some more. It’s unlike any previous God of War game, and I fucking loved those as well. Unbelievable stuff. That aside, pretty good.

Prediction: Top drawer stuff. First class. Game of the season material. Fantastic advert for the Premiership. 0-0 United.

m

(@bifurcated_utd)

So, if All Brighton plays for Leicester, then who plays for Brighton if there is no-one left in Brighton to play for them? And how can Leicester get away with having the whole town of Brighton playing for them? No wonder they won the EPL if they are fielding 175,830 players, it’s not really a shock when you look at the statistics: according to maths 175,380 players is 175,369 more than 11, so, even if you consider that of those 175,380 players, only 1% can actually play football, that’s still 1,753.5 players, and the remaining 173,626.5 can just park a highly technical Mourinho line at the edge of the box. How has this been allowed to happen? This is a conspiracy that goes right to the very top of Match of the Day. I also look like that melted guy from Robocop, but I’m ok with it.

Prediction: With no players actually turning up for Brighton (see above maths), I can only see one result: 0-0 United.

(@Benglorious)

We can legit just copy and paste last week’s preview while Brett is in Poland: Brett is in Poland so we have no natural leader or a jokes.

Prediction:  0-0 United.

m

 (@tom_mcghee)

As above. That aside, pretty good.

Prediction: 0-0 United.

m

(@bifurcated_utd)

I’m in Poland. In minus 26 temperatures. Survival is my priority.

Prediction: Death. 0-0 United.