(@Benglorious)

It’s Christmas, so why don’t you and Lenny Henry fuck off?

Prediction:  0-0 United.

m

 (@tom_mcghee)

Lol.

Prediction: 0-0 United

m

(@bifurcated_utd)

Make us.

Prediction: 0-0 United.

“You should have a goblet of wine… It’s blood from a cats face… Hahahaha you like my joke…?”

Benno (@Benglorious)

So many games in so little time.  It’s like Christmas all over again but without the traditional burning of churches.  Burnley are the opponents tonight.  They’re from Burnley, which got its name from *insert your own tired joke here*.

Prediction:  Vangle will be looking to prove FAT SAM’S long ball theories wrong tonight with a GRAND SLAM of majestic goals so he’ll be able to SPEAKEASY at his next press conference.  YOUNG JODIE FOSTER will score a quick brace and UNKNOWN CHILD ACTOR will seal the win with a cheeky third goal.  1-0 Burnley.

Our friend James loves opening crisp packets from the wrong end, Disneyland Paris and marionettes (they’re NOT puppets):

Tom (@tom_mcghee)

Went to Uni with a lad from Burnley but his name was Chris BARNSLEY. Got a first and then it turned out his dad was an English Professor at Hull or summat.

Prediction: Forgot it was on.

Brett (@bifurcated_mufc)

I only recently discovered football exists irl. It was around the same time I broke up with my girlfriend of ten years. I went to the dad’s bible – the BBC website – and found their beginner’s guide on how to get into ‘the beautiful game’…

Not sure how that helped.

Prediction: Jokes about Burnley having same kit as West Ham and Villa and about Sean Dyche clearing his throat. Hahaha just got them. Brilliant. Ander to come in for Rooney and to wow the crowds across the globe with his tour-de-force masterclass in midfieldernessisms. Then gets subbed off for Rooney at half time. Rooney scuffs in the winner. *adopts gravelled voice* 1-0 to not Villa, West Ham or Burnley.