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Here’s 5 things we sjdhfkjsdahvcjksdjkbvjkdsbauibfewbacinjknlakwecnwamc:

1. Well done, City. We’ll try harder next season maybe.

2. Fuck City suck it you blue fucks.

3. We are terrible at football.

(@Benglorious)

Brett’s back from Poland so there’s no need to do any words or jokes, cos he’s the best and whatever I write will only embarrass me when compared to his words or jokes.

Prediction: I write some words or jokes and am embarrassed. 0-0 United.

m

 (@tom_mcghee)

I am out having birthday meals please put these words: fuck the haters, one love, peace. Or a good joke about Alan Pardew.

Film Review:

To be announced.

Prediction: No good jokes about Alan Pardew. -6 – -6 United.

m

(@bifurcated_utd)

With the destiny of this season’s Hasthag EPL entirely in our own hands, after shoving City off the edge of a metagorical cliff last week* (*note, I am writing this without seeing the score from their 3-1 defeat of Tottenham yesterday), we have to make sure we don’t drop any points in this game like is so obvs gonna happen.

It will be crime of the Willennium, if West Brom are relegated having sacked Alan “Alan Pardew” Pardew they don’t call him Alan Pardew for nothing. Would have (of) been geno scenes to see him cry himself to death like the Alan Pardew not even Tom and Benno deserve.

Prediction: Alexis Sanchez to agree incremental payments of 3 trillion euros per day, as a gesture of goodwill, with reference to his transfer fee versus value to the team. 0-0 United.