Here’s 5 things we learned:

1. Dave’s feet are actually hands

2. Don’t research that

3. David De Gea isn’t actually good it’s just he always seems to be in the right place at the right time. 10 or 11 times a game. Pick my lottery numbers Dave !!!

4. The ‘lads its spurs’ tweets didn’t happen. Growth or because it was lame? We may never know

5. Dave’s not here man

Here’s 5 things we learned:

1. Football is a great game. I love it so much.

2. It is the greatest game and I love it.

3. More like Mark IG-Noble !!

4. More like IDGI-Noble !!

5. I love football more than all of us and me combined.

1. That was actually pretty good.

(@Benglorious)

Too busy. Whatever Tom says.

Prediction: Tom to say nothing. 0-0 United.

m

 (@tom_mcghee)

Too busy. Whatever Brett says.

Prediction: Brett to say nothing. 0-0 United.

m

(@bifurcated_utd)

Too busy. Whatever Benno says.

Prediction: Benno to say nothing. 0-0 United.

 @Benglorious)

I’m also going to leave this one to you B-man. Big kisses.

P.s put that Klopp picture as the preview header today. You’re so talented. Extra kisses.

Prediction: I love Brett more than Tom.

m

 (@tom_mcghee)

I’m going to leave this one to you B-dawg. You’re the best. I’ve always said that.

Brett (Concept film: coming soon hopefully)

This film is yet to be made, or written, but it will be the best film ever. Better than Star Worlds and all the other films I always bang on about. That aside, pretty good.

Prediction: Whatever Brett says is best.

m

m

(@bifurcated_utd)

This game always raises so many questions: does anyone care about Liverpool anymore? Who is Liverpool? That’s two for the good-natured-banter lovers out there.

Other questions about faces include: Is Jurgen Klopp’s face 90% teeth? Who tattoed an average footballer’s body and legs on to Firminho’s face? Is Simon Mignolet’s face a window to his soul? Did Emre Can’s face ever pay attention in CDT class at school with regards to the principles of form and function? Did you ever see James Milner’s face in the same room as a blanched roast potato? Why does Alberto Moreno’s face look like the face of a naughty boy who got away with stealing any other average full-back’s career? Does Oxlade-Chamberlain have the face of his career role model, Theo Walcott, painted on his tits? Why the long face, Jordan?

Prediction: Copy and pastes of Benno and Tom’s verbatim WhatsApp convo this morning to form the main body of their preview. 0-0 United.

 (@Benglorious)

So glad we’ve got an easy game after the taxing international break. Statistics show that Liverpool are better than United at some things and worse than them at other things. The same statistics show that United are better than Liverpool at some things but worse than them at other things. Different statistics show that Liverpool are neither better nor worse than United at some things, yet those same statistics, that are not the original statistics I mentioned previously, also show that United are neither better nor worse than Liverpool at some things. They can’t all be right.

Prediction: Mata to disco it up again as Roondog watches from the new Haribo Dugout. Rashford to show Ibra how to score from a yard. Liverpool will also be there. 5-0 United.

 (@tom_mcghee)

Liverpool Football Club – or Liverpool FC – are a football club from Liverpool, a Northern town famous for Beatles. Much like Everton but in red, they once strode the footballing globe like a veritable colossus before sliding into mid-table obscurity for twenty years. This is their season (you can tell because Jordan Henderson is so dreamy that I want to kiss him on his penis).

What we do in the Shadows (2014)

Murray and Jermaine leave Brett right out (great idea imho) and make a film about four vampires house-sharing in New Zealand but with jokes. I liked it when they met up with the werewolves and became friends. Stu was also great. Rotten Tomatoes say ‘Smarter, fresher and funnier than a modern vampire has any right to be’, which makes no sense.

Prediction: Werewolves not Swearwolves. 4-3 United in the greatest game of football the planet has ever witnessed, not a terse, grubby affair with both sets of fans being dicks. 

m 

 (@ttackattackattack)

I love Liverpool. In fact, I love Liverpool so much I’m going to make sweet violent love to them in my own hand.

Apropos of nothing, What we doing in the Shadows is desperately missing the best bit, Brett, imho. It would have made much more sense and would have been so much better if the other two would have left themselves right out of it. And boiled their head in spaff. To death.

Prediction: Messy. A grubby dicks affair. As for the game: Gingham Pressing Inc. to get their collective cotton blends dyed. 0-0 United.