(@Benglorious)

Ooh look at me I have the confidence to leave the house.

Prediction: 

M

 (@tom_mcghee)

Are we words today? I’m out atm so not sure can do mine

Prediction: 

 M

(@bifurcated_utd)

Not being racist but I have had a lot of vodka*

Prediction: *In Poland

Here’s 5 things we learned:

1. Sometimes you just have to call a draw a draw.

2. What penalties?!

(@Benglorious)

Couldn’t.

 (@tom_mcghee)

Care.

m

(@bifurcated_utd)

Less.

Here’s 5 things we learned from the derby that defined a generation:

1. Bahahahahahaha City you abso shower of cunts.

2. See above.

3. Pogba was bad in the first half and majestic in the second.

4. Something about his hair.

5. Did we win?

6. You legit sicken me.

(@Benglorious)

Another Derby match. Let’s hope Andross Townsend behaves in a respectful manner this time unless he wants to wake up on Mourinho’s hotel room floor.

Prediction: United to put out a full-strength squad, showing this great competition the respect it deserves. Something Andross Townsend would know nothing about. Lukaku to stay on for one more season at the behest of Uncle Lars. 0-0 United.

m

 (@tom_mcghee)

My preview will be in the medium of performative dance. I will need a basic stage/lighting set-up and £8000.

It (1990)

In the spirit of something I wanted to watch the original It movie, starring Tim Curry as Pennywise the clown. Imagine my surprise when I found that this movie did not exist. What I ended up watching was the It mini-series, starring Tim Curry as Pennywise the clown. That aside, pretty good.

Prediction: Mkhitaryan to finally step up and show us his level. 0-0 United.

m

(@bifurcated_utd)

It hardly seems fair that we have to play Everton AND Liverpool at the same time. Has anyone asked the F.A to justify this injustice of injustices? Is it 22 players against 11? Do they have to play with a handicap? i.e Rooney. Has anyone seen my ‘Calvin Classics’ I got for Christmas? I left them under the tree and now don’t have a clue where they are.

Prediction: Benno to still be shitting through a sieve. If the curse I bought off that fella down the pub is worth the bar mat it’s written on. 0-0 United.

 (@Benglorious)

United are coming off the back of one of their more humiliating league defeats, but the mood amongst the one fan I looked at in the mirror this morning couldn’t be more positive as this is the cup and all hit points are reset to zero. Wouldn’t that mean we were dead? I really should learn the rules of football.

Prediction: Rojo is starting. 5-0 United City.

 (@tom_mcghee)

I had a look earlier and no-one had done anything and then I remembered I hate football at the moment and also you fucks so I went for a cry-wank under the stairs.

Gone Girl (2014)

Where’d she go? That aside, pretty good.

Prediction: Goals for the team from Manchester. I really fucking don’t care which one. 15-15 City.

m 

 (@ttackattackattack)

You’re gonna have to do mine cos internet in my house is fucked. And last time I tried to word on my shitty little cunting samsung phone, I almost killed anyone in a 20-mile radius.

Prediction: 0-0 United.

 FBA-Nominated football blog writer Benno (@Benglorious)

It’s Derby time again! That special match that only comes round three, sometimes four or five but no less than two, times a year unless it only happens once. The winners get to make Manchester either red or blue in a tradition that stretches back all the way to the ancient past of 1991. In the event of a draw, both teams get to raze Carlisle to the ground.

Prediction: Pep to be bald but this somehow leaves his managerial abilities unaffected. JoMo to surprise everyone with a surprise team selection that surprises everyone who hasn’t predicted it. Rashford to be life, to be loved and cherished till death do us part. 5-0 United.

 FBA-Nominated football blog writer Tom (@tom_mcghee)

Bahahahahahaha yeah I won’t be doing a preview innit. Just write some absolute bollocks and put my name on it. Avoid the 4th Reich stuff.

Suicide Squad (2016)

The soundtrack to this film must be at least 6 CD’s (it’s a music thing – look it up) worth of tunes, which the director obviously took great pleasure in shoehorning into every available scene purely because it made him look clever: “Look, they’re bad guys but you’re supposed to feel something for them, so let’s put Sympathy for the Devil in there.” “Harley Quinn is quite the free spirit, why not have her cavorting around with that You Don’t Own Me over the top?” “They’re weird people with powers? Easy – Super Freak.” “They’re doing horrible stuff for no reward? You’ll love this one – Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap.” “I’m now going to blow your tiny minds, people – Suicide is Painless but we get Blazin’ Squad to cover it. Get it? SUICIDE is painless, blazin’ SQUAD. Because the film’s called Suicide Squaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrggggghhhhhhhh why are you attacking me please sto   ”

Bad people do good things badly for good people who are also bad. That aside, pretty good.

Prediction: Aguero with his customary two haircuts. Goals for both teams or neither team or just one team or just the other team. Manchester is browny-grey. 6-6 United.

www.tom_and_the_4th_reich.co.uk

m 

 FBA-Nominated football blog writer Brett(@ttackattackattack)

Another dead rubber.

Expect United to field a second string side as they focus attention on the Football Cup and Eurovision finals respectively. So, an opportunity for the likes of Paul Pogba, Zlatan Abramovich and David de Gea – remember them??!! – to force their way in to Jose Mourinho’s thinking for those upcoming fixtures.

Tbf I think Antony Royle already razed Carlisle to the ground.

I don’t see colour.

Prediction: In order to foil City’s tactics, Jose undergoes a face-transplant surgery and assumes the identity and physical appearance of Pep, but the plan turns from bad to worse when Pep impersonates Jose. Pep, but Jose, says, “I don’t know what I hate wearing worse: your face or your body. I mean I enjoy *boning* your team, but let’s face it, we both like it better the other way, yes? So why don’t we trade back?” Jose, but Pep, replies, “You can’t give back what you’ve taken from me.” Pep, but Jose, replies, “OK, then… plan B, why don’t we just kill each other? *HashtagFightScenes* Jose, but Pep, wins and continues to manage United for a bit. But it’s actually Pep innit, but Jose. 0-0 United.

The 5 most comprehensive learns you’ll ever learn:

Whatevs) didn’t see it.

Trevs) me neither. I like the idea of winning though.

Jinxevs) same.

Roonslice’s appetite for records is showing only 50% signs of abating. Titter @ abating.

Juan Mata also ladled himself a tasty slice of goal-stew.

But the guest of honour at the net-bulging banquet was Daley Blind who we’d all love to nosh off.

Here’s 5 learnings you may not have probably not even noticed:

1) Varela looked good. Can’t believe playing a RB as RB paid off.

Owl) Lol @ you trying to say ‘army’, with a blocked nose.

?!£&) Paul tweeted ‘can we play you every week, seriously’. Have looked into it; we can’t. Suggest someone checks Paul’s credentials – he should’ve known this.

3. Fuck off with your offside.

Pussycat) Jog on with your onside.

Fives) Rooney looks almost good now he’s shed the baby weight.

Detroit) Paul’s credentials are solid, just not his football ones.

Gunnery Sergeant) I like winning.

tokyosexwayne

 Benno (@Benglorious)

Derby (pronounced Derby) is the UK’s most central city, a great place for a cultural break and a great base to explore nearby Peak District delights. A really friendly place, great value for money and very easy to get around, you’ll feel welcome right from the start, so visit soon and discover Derby for yourself! [citation needed]

Opposition Summary: Derby County F.C. was founded in 1884, by William Morley (as an offshoot of Derbyshire Bridge Club) to alleviate unease amongst residents about the two impending World Wars.  It has spent all but four seasons in the top two divisions of English football, but has finally reached the top of the housing waiting list and is very much looking forward to finally sleeping in a real bed. The club’s competitive peak came in the 1970s when they were twice voted Most Likely Derby County F.C. To Succeed and competed in major European competitions on four separate continents. They play in white unless they don’t.

Prediction:  Lterall rubig mh hqnds at te tougt of  goalfsss mikes iy hsrd ti tiiipe. 0-0 United, 0-0 AET, 0-0 GBH.

 Tom (@tom_mcghee)

lol, just done my research – forgot it was tonight. Too busy helping ruddy good causes.

Prediction: 8-8 United, 15-40 AET, Deuce. That aside, pretty good.

.

 Brett(@_ii)

I’m not watching this game, out of principle. What Louis van Gaal is doing to this club is nothing short of treasonous. Lol, imagine if I had principles. And imagine if one of them made me stop watching a game of football. I’m at work, so suck on your faces until you swallow your disappointment, and then spit it back on to your face. Why would you do that? Weirdos.

I’ve been researchering Derby on Youtube, and they have a lot of smaller people on horses, and play very direct.

Prediction: This has goals written all over it. Those short ones at the end of the match that look really offside, until you realise the player made his run from within his own half. Never sure why the referee never penalises the blatant handball. Guess we’ll never know. Anyway, 0-0. And 0-0 after the short ones.