Lol cos Brett’s in P etc

(@Benglorious)

Prediction: 

M

 (@tom_mcghee)

Prediction: 

 M

(@bifurcated_utd)

Still in Poland sucks to be you.

Prediction: see above.

Here’s 5 things we learned:

1. We seem a lot better when our opponents are a league or 4 below us – maybe something to look at in the future?

2. 6 goals, 6 different scorers, 6 infinity stones – coincidence? Yes.

3. Phil Jones. I’m glad he got something he’s had a helluva time.

4. It’s got to the stage now where I assumed the score was a typo

5. Just a thought: seems like a lot of the talk around our tactical and training/development shortcomings are levelled at Ole – which is reasonable tbh, cos he’s a very inexperienced manager at a club that expect better/more … but, don’t correct me if I’m wrong, Mike Phelan and Michael Carrick (who Ole didn’t pick) are the ones actually coaching the players, so, why don’t we throw eggs and flour all over THEIR cars. That’ll learn ‘em.

6. Who invited this dick (see above)?

If we’re writing this prediction after the game, we know it has ended 2-1. Mavericks.

The only real downside to last night’s result is the footage emerging of Alexis Sanchez looking very small.

Apparently, he is just very small and not just very far away.

Wait, two downsides: the MBM Krang/turtles tweet was wasted on all you scum.

Here’s 5 things we learned:

1. People sure don’t like Sanchez

2. And by ‘people’ I mean us

3. I like him I think he adds a lot to the team almost too many goals and assists imho

4. Ander Herrera was very good and everyone thought so aside from Martin Keown, the Neolithic twat

5. We should make Keown and Sanchez fight to the death

6. Winner gets a bullet

(@Benglorious)

Here’s yer boy with some more faultless logic – City thrashed Chelsea. Both City and United didn’t win in the Champions League last week. Ergo: United are as good as City. Double ergo: United will thrash Chelsea.

Prediction: Did you not read that flawless argument? ’nuff said. 0-0 United.

M

 (@tom_mcghee)

I will not be doing words out of respect for the death of the Labour Party also I hate Chelsea the cunts

Prediction: ‘I will not be doing words out of respect for the death of the Labour Party also I hate Chelsea the cunts’ to become my preview. Cunts.

MM

(@bifurcated_utd)

Ole’s march to the Treble continues tonight. After setting up the return leg with PSG perfectly last week, these “lazy, good-for-nothing, low-life scum sloths with pig trotters for hands, and snails for feet, with hearts made from shit, and really wet shit for brainless brains” (verbatim Chelsea Manager quote), will not know which day of the week it is when we’re finished with them. Monday.

Can’t wait for Ole to emerge for the post-match interview in a loin cloth, carrying Sarri’s head, resplendent with fag sticking out of its gob.

Prediction: Chelsea to abso destroy us, cos Alexis7 and Fred. 0 – 0 United.

Here’s another 5 things we learned:

1. Jesse moonwalking all over the pitch is the greatest celebration of all time and anyone who disagrees is a Nazi

2. Lol @ Arsenal

3. The arsenal players were tired because their manager drank all their blood with dracula sucking

4. idgi

5. idgi dancefloor either tbh

6. Wait. Cos of the dancefloor and the dracula. Makes sense.

(@Benglorious)

Finally got round to making a Tom/Ole face/off picture for his bio after he’s cried like John Terry for seven games. Unfortunately, this has left me no time to complete my F.A. Cup pre

Prediction: Sanchez to do a good thing, Pogba to do a better thing, football to be the real winner. 0-0 United.

M

 (@tom_mcghee)

Love United, hate Sanchez*

*unless he scores a winner tonight in which case this was just a joke and I always knew he’d come good although he won’t because he’s a cunt.

The Punisher (Season 2, 2019)

Boy that Frank sure does love punishing people. I liked it when he fought the Russian guys in the Russian gym (I like gyms).

Prediction: Having collated raw data and facts I have determined that when we play Arsenal either they win or we do. Science tells us to expect more of the same ergo 8-6 United imho.

MM

(@bifurcated_utd)

Almost a year to the day since United Legend Alexis Sanchez made the piano-tinkling switch from the True Blue Gunner Gooners to the Mighty Red Devils and it presents Alexis7 with the perfect opportunity to showcase to his former club the supreme talent they have been missing by continuing his incredible run of form and goals and inspirational leadership.

Prediction: Alexis Sanchez to score so many goals that the F.A. give us the cup at half time. 0-0 United.

If only we could win every single game by scoring a million of goals and being the superior team, regardless of the eleven players we put out, just like the olden days.

Here’s 5 things we learned:

1. Reading, righting, rithmatic

2. I liked the part where we won

3. I liked the part where everyone moaned despite the winning

4. Copyright ‘King Chong’ for when he is legend/climbs a skyscraper in New York

5. I like it when a player wrestles the ball of another to take a penalty, and then misses tbh.