(@Benglorious)

YEE-HAW HEAD ‘EM UP RIDE ‘EM OUT etc

Prediction: Rubber to not have been invented yet. Hat-trick for Pogba plus a brace for Lukaku. 0-0 Valencia

M

 (@tom_mcghee)

Why is it a dead rubber?* We don’t call a game that counts a live rubber. Rubber discrimination? Not for me to say but obviously yes.

*The actual etymology of ‘dead ‘rubber’ is from the card game ‘rubber bridge’. A from of contract bridge, rubber bridge is played by two competing teams of two players. For example, the Davis Cup series has each pair of competing countries play 5 matches (rubbers) where the winer is decided on a best of five basis – where the result is known before the completion of the five matches (ie one side wins three) the remaining match/es are said to be ‘dead rubbers’.

Prediction: Everyone to have learned something about dead rubbers. Me to learn there is no rubber discrimination as I first surmised. Basically everyone will learn something. Aside from Brett.

Prediction: 

M

(@bifurcated_utd)

Must be a curse from some sage maverick, but I have completely lost the ability to learn. Send money.

Prediction: The identity of the sage maverick to remain hidden as no-one reads that clownshoes previews.

Bite us.

220.1 miles according to Google, if you travel via the M5 and M6. 269.1 miles via the A303. The train-line, though more direct, takes a little longer as has to take into account stations along the way. Which is something that travelling by car never does. Are we supposed to piss our pants just so we can adhere to the strict timings dictated to us by a popular search engineers website?! This reporter says yes.

Here’s 5 things we learned:

1. Martin Keown really doesn’t like Alexis Sanchez.

2. Martin known is a monkey who has been strategically shaved and dressed up.

3. Darmian’s facial hair is upsetting.

4. I like how Sanchez is good because he tries things and gives the ball away.

5. I like how Mkhitaryan is bad because he tries things and gives the ball away.

6. I like how Martin Keown is bad because he’s a cunty bell flap.

(@Benglorious)

Tonight is make or break, do or die, dog eat dog, boy meets world, girl on girl, north by northwest for United. The Europa League is our last shot at being big time Charlies this season, but there’s always the chance we will massively balls it up. Well, not even massively knowing us.

Prediction: A debut goal for Rashford on his debut followed by Herrera literally being scared to death by his own shadow leads to UEFA abandoning the match, followed quickly by the entire shameful tournament. 1-0 to the Arsenal.

m

 (@tom_mcghee)

Not doing words tonight as I hate us rn and they (the stupid readers) don’t deserve my genius. ‘Us” in this case – and only this case – means United, not you and me and … Brett, is it?

Prediction: All the nils. Lose on no goals rule.

m

(@bifurcated_utd)

Looking forward to having a good old right old laugh at us losing and finishing 5th. One day we’ll all meet up at 2’0’clock, at the fountain down the road. AND I SAID…

Mindhorn (2017)

Don’t. That aside, pretty good.

Prediction: It will be strange. 0-0 United.

Prediction: Goals for Poirot and Jean-Claude Van Damme will not be enough for the plucky Belgians. 0-0 United.

m

 (@tom_mcghee)

I ruddy love Anderlecht. I’d open a coffeshop there in a heartbeat if I thought I wouldn’t smoke all the profits.

Fast And Furious Pick A Number (2017)

Vin Diesel drives a car into the Rock who’s in love with that Latina with the plastic teeth or something. That aside, pretty good.

m

Prediction: Goals for Januzaj and Fellaini as our Belgians destroy their Belgians. 0-0 United.

m 

(@bifurcated_utd)

Ander’s got ‘em licked more like.

Prediction: Ander to lick ‘em. 0-0 United.

It’s always good to remember that in losing this game we have successfully avoided all the big teams in the semi-final draw.

Here’s 5 things we learned:

1. That Oliver may get some laughs when he’s ripping on Trump but he’s a shit referee.

2.Kante was cheaper than Pogba (So is everyone tbh. It’s kind of what record-breaking transfer means)

3. That video of the United stand lad was very funny.

4. See 1-3

5. See 4

In other news, our Kickstarter to have this game struck from the records has been flagged by the financial ombudsman, as “apparently” one like on Twitter from yourself doesn’t count as a monetary pledge with the bankerers.

Here’s 5 things we learned:

1. They may have cheated, but what they accomplished is incredible.

2. Saying that, PSG shouldn’t have been so complacent.

3. Phil Jones has no business in sport.

4. Those Fellaini numbers eased the pain.

5. Lol @ Di Maria the rat-faced fuck.