Juan Mata

United 3 - 2 Arsenal

United 3 – 2 Arsenal

MEMPHIS FULL STOP RASHFORD IN BRACKETS. Here’s the 5 things thing: 1) Beating goonsquad is always great (I re-learnt this). 2) I’ve worked out numbers. 3) Mata and Herrera and Memphis are good at football. 4) Marcus Rashford is a hammerlegend. 18) Would happily miss every match if it meant winning them all. 21) No […]

FAC: Shrewsbury 0 – 3 United

Someone is going to have to spend the next few years stitching Shrewsbury Town a new goal hole, after Vangle’s Army went absolutely averageish, and ripped them a new one. Actually, they ripped them a new one, so someone should stop stitching a another new one, especially with the payroll capping and demands of these […]

United 3 – 0 Stoke

With heavy heart we bid a fond farewell and wave a tear-stained hanky to the goalless first half feats of yesteryear. Hoping this is merely a blip tbh. Jesse-dawg, Martial-dawg, and Roon-dawg proved themselves to be the swashbuckliest of swasherers, with net-bulging scorings that could shiver the timbers of the mightiest haunted pirate tree on […]

Liverpool vs. United

Liverpool vs. United

m  Benno (@Benglorious) To take my mind off the football I’m currently watching Making a Murderer. If this show had been one of those schlocky American 1-hour specials nobody would be talking about it, but spread it out over ten shows on a paid subscription service and suddenly it’s the greatest crime show there’s ever been. […]

Bournemouth vs United

Bournemouth vs United

 Benno (@Benglorious) Matt Damon’s gob or whatever. Not even checking Brett’s to see if he’s already done that gag. I hope he has and I hope he cries. You NEVER make fun of another man’s trainers, even if they are made from seagulls. Which brings us nicely back to Bournemouth who are nicknamed the Seagulls. […]

Wolfsburg 3 – 2 United

BAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHA (1/-1)   Here’s five things we learned from Europa League qualification: Swan) We couldn’t keep the wolf from the door, so to speak. Twit twoo) Louis van Gaal is a fraud. When I mispronounce stuff I just get laughed at but he seems to have made it into a whole career. Tree-creeper) The whole […]

Wolfsburg vs United

Wolfsburg vs United

 Benno (@Benglorious) You know those days when you get a weird flash of inspiration? Those days when a flippant comment gives you the idea that will change your life? Juan Mata as a pirate was going to be mine. Let me set the scene: A completely out of character interruption of someone else’s Twitter conversation. The […]

Everton 0 - 3 United

Everton 0 – 3 United

Ander the rare hare took the bull by the proverbial hooves and stuck it to the toffees like taking candy from a sweet shop, run by a baby (note to self: contact trading standards about this). A goal from Roondaddy brought him one step closer to becoming the all time goalscoring Wayne Rooney of all […]

Southampton 2 – 3 United

Mar Seal did a two goals and Murder bludgeoned another, handing bread face his crust in his hands… Here’s 5 things we’ve learnt: 1) Up-fronterers ARE allowed to score the net points. 2) Vangle is an anagram of Leg Van. Makes you think. 3) The FA aren’t very good mathers: Southampton 2 – 3 United […]

Swansea 2 - 1 United

Swansea 2 – 1 United

What a game. I didn’t see it.

Villa vs United

Villa vs United

 HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ANDER!! X X X X X X X X X X X X X  M m  Benno (@Benglorious)   Friday night is the best time for football.  The shops are shut so I don’t have to go shopping and it’s too dark for DIY. Actually, sod the football, I’m out of here. Opposition […]

Hull vs United

Hull vs United

m  Benno (@Benglorious) Here we are again:  La pièce de résistance.  Così fan tutte.  Bodas de sangre.  Céad míle fáilte.  Vorsprung durch technik.  The meanings of all these phrases were lost with the destruction of Atlantis, but they still evoke feelings and stuff, sometimes towards football.  It’s been a long season, and it’s one I’m definitely […]

Bi-Mark: Footballiversity

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Bi-Konny: Michael Owen Reads Mean Tweets...