Lukaku

United 2 - 1 Chelsea

United 2 – 1 Chelsea

I don’t need to write anything about the game here, as the 5 things we learned bit below more than makes up the word count. Here’s  5 things we learned: 1. The best bit was tasting Graeme’s salty tears. 2. Other good bits were Lukaku and Pogba and Matic. 3. Sanchez was not a good […]

FAC: Huddersfield 0 - 2 United

FAC: Huddersfield 0 – 2 United

As the mighty Red Army from Manchester goes marching on to Wemberleeeeee gloreeeeee in spite of VAR and its fascist regime of hate and bigotry. I forgot my point. <—–That picture actually matches the narrative. Who’d have thought.   Here’s 5 things we learned: 1. Lukaku is the greatest striker in the history of the […]

United 2 - 0 Huddersfield Town

United 2 – 0 Huddersfield Town

With Huddersfield distracted by trying to figure out whether they were a Field or a Town, United notched up two goals in spite of their best attempts to miss them both like the heroes we deserve. Lols @ Sanchez Rooneying his penalty like a true Red Leg. Here’s 5 things we learned: 1. The Last […]

United 3 - 0 Stoke

United 3 – 0 Stoke

It was a welcome return to form for Paul Pogba as his two little passes ensured that both Tony V and Martial could not miss their absolute screamers from 20 yards. With Liverpool inflicting the first defeat of City’s momentous title challenge collapse, the only thing that can stand in the way of United and […]

FAC: Derby 0 - 2 United

FAC: Derby 0 – 2 United

As Jesse Lingered continues to single-handedly win us every trophy we have won in the past 30 years, Jose Mourinho continues to burn them. Here’s 5 things we learned innit: 1. Letting Steven drive is a mistake. 2. Lingard’s goal was good … but his dancing drives me mad !! 3. What game was it?

United 0 - 0 Southampton

United 0 – 0 Southampton

As we consolidated our position at the top of the any normal English Premier League season table, with another outstanding top of the any normal English Premier League season table performance, we learned 5 things… 1. Explosive diarrhoea is preferable to what we just watched. 2. As is vomiting at the same time. 3. I […]

West Brom 1 - 2 United

West Brom 1 – 2 United

And the Reds go marchin’ on on on. Off. Here’s another 5 things we learned: 1. Have already forgotten entire game. 2. I think Tony V got injured. 3. Was that the game where Hammy Gammon Gary Barry scored?

United 1 - 0 Bournemouth

United 1 – 0 Bournemouth

1-0 to United. It’s just like the days of Eric. It isn’t. 5 things we learned: 1. Illegal streams leave a lot to be desired. 2. No Last Jedi spoilers McGhee I swear to God I’ll fuck you up. 3. Lips, sealed. But I was shocked to see Han return as a force ghost. 4. […]

Lukaku

Lukaku

United 2 - 1 CSKA Moscow

United 2 – 1 CSKA Moscow

5 things we learned: 1. Let’s all agree we’re probably the real heroes.

United vs. Brighton

United vs. Brighton

(@Benglorious) Brighton are renowned for the invention of rock, even though everybody secretly knows it was Lenny Kravitz. Prediction: Goals for the Rash and the Marsh see the Unitesh to a comfortable victory. Lukaku to get a timely lift off his sister and Lando by thinking really hard. 0-0 United. m  (@tom_mcghee) Are we playing […]

Chelsea 1 - 0 United

Chelsea 1 – 0 United

Remember after four or five games in to the season when we were all saying how amazing Jose Mourinho was; Matic and Lukaku were the best signings ever and the missing pieces in the title jigsaw, and how good we were playing? Neither do we. Here’s another 5 things we learned from yet another game, […]

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