Here’s 5 things we learned:

1. Didn’t watch it but got 7 trophies on Tomb Raider instead.

2. Hope this helps.

3. Like 1 but with another game and less trophies.

4. Like 1 and 3 but with a life.

Prediction: Blackburn to do really well until they realise it’s not the mid-90’s. United to do that thing they do that looks like we’re bad/good* but we’re actually good/bad**. 0-0 United.

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*Do you really need this joke format explaining?

**Really?

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 (@tom_mcghee)

Blackburn is a small northern town in the north and also the surname of my neighbours when I was a kid. Their son was called ‘Dino’. Imagine living with that.

Blackburn Rovers are their local team and they once helped Alan Shearer win his one medal. He could’ve won a shit load more at another club but he turned them down twice, but not for money. Did he win more? Who fucking cares. Chris Sutton also played for them before his career became a joke and he failed so badly at Chelsea. Great pundit though, doesn’t remind me a budget Piers Morgan at all. Which leads me into my 9th point: the ruddy magic of the cup. The ‘magic of the cup’ is a myth; magic is neither real nor good, as demonstrated by every TV magician ever. Also, even if it were real, it would be cheating. Why am I up this early?

John Wick 2 (2017)

Haven’t seen it yet but heard good things. Aside from that BeardedGenius nonce who claimed he didn’t get it but he hadn’t seen it yet. Which makes no sense.

Prediction: Dino Blackburn was the first lad who had an earring when I was a kid. That must mean something, 4-0 United, Pogba to hit woodwork 13 times.

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(@bifurcated_utd)

I’m just the worst.

Prediction: 0-0 United.

 (@Benglorious)

Win this game and we’re one step closer to the final of this so-called ‘EFL Cup’. Win the final of this so-called ‘EFL Cup’, and United will have the first part of a continental treble the likes of which has never been seen before. Even by Liverpool.

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Prediction: Lots of good defending by the defenders and lots of good goals by the goalers. 0-0 United.

 (@tom_mcghee)

Please paste my words:

I am not doing words as my only idea was H U L L to the tune of D I S C O but with the same lyrics and also I am solving crimes as inspector batman.

Batman: the telltale series
You solve crimes. As batman. That aside, pretty good.

If you cba to paste this I don’t blame you but obvs still hate you both.

Please paste my words:

I am not doing words as my only idea was H U L L to the tune of D I S C O but with the same lyrics and also I am solving crimes as inspector batman.

Batman: the telltale series
You solve crimes. As batman. That aside, pretty good.

If you cba to paste this I don’t blame you but obvs still hate you both.

Prediction: Massive jokes on me when they both paste my words. 4-0 United, but a good 4-0, not one of those rubbish 4-0’s we see every week.

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 (@ttackattackattack)

That ‘both paste’ a joke is pretty good. That aside, pretty good. Glad I thought of it.

We have to play Hull like 3000 times in the next two weeks, so plenty of opportunities for us to re-use those Rod Hull and Beautiful South a jokes.

Prediction: My prediction to be a Rod Hull and Beautiful South a joke that we’ve done before. 0-0 United.

 (@Benglorious)

I’m guessing there’s some more football on today. There’s always football. Was gonna write about that Star Wars thing but I’m pretty sure Tom wants to spoil that for Paul. I enjoyed the PIEEW-PIEEW guns and the VWOMM-VWOMMM stick the most. Rojo penalised.

Prediction: Me to never use any lyrics by Brett for reasons. Godzilla to sign in the January window. 0-0 United.

 (@tom_mcghee)

I don’t even like the Star Wars. Why isn’t there even an East Brom? Racist.

Rogue One (2016)

To avoid spoiling it for the jobsworth nonces who haven’t made the effort to see it yet, I shall review this next week. Suffice to say, didn’t see Spock once!!! HAHAHAH like that joke when cunts pretend to confuse the two.

Prediction: Vader to chase Leia for the stolen death star plans, R2 to abscond to Tatooine with them leading to one helluva of an adventure, spanning 3 or more films. 4-0 United, Memphis to wear bad clothes.

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 (@ttackattackattack)

Star Wars is for sucker chumps. Really should pay those boys more now we’re tapping in to that sweet patreon cash.

Prediction: Benno to use my song lyrics for once in his miserable excuse for a life – that he needs to get one of first, instead of watching me write this – and we become a famous. 0-0 United. 

 (@Benglorious)

United are coming off the back of one of their more humiliating league defeats, but the mood amongst the one fan I looked at in the mirror this morning couldn’t be more positive as this is the cup and all hit points are reset to zero. Wouldn’t that mean we were dead? I really should learn the rules of football.

Prediction: Rojo is starting. 5-0 United City.

 (@tom_mcghee)

I had a look earlier and no-one had done anything and then I remembered I hate football at the moment and also you fucks so I went for a cry-wank under the stairs.

Gone Girl (2014)

Where’d she go? That aside, pretty good.

Prediction: Goals for the team from Manchester. I really fucking don’t care which one. 15-15 City.

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 (@ttackattackattack)

You’re gonna have to do mine cos internet in my house is fucked. And last time I tried to word on my shitty little cunting samsung phone, I almost killed anyone in a 20-mile radius.

Prediction: 0-0 United.