EL: Club Bruge 1 – 1 United
Aah 2019/2020 disappointment, we’d missed you. Give us a hug you big beautiful emotion you. Here’s 5 things we learned: 1. Changing six players was a mistake. A very large mistake. The kind of mistake you’d expect from a manager at Cardiff or something 2. Bruno looks good 3. Prefer Borat tbqfhwy 4. We’re better than that […]
Arsenal vs. United
(@Benglorious) Prediction: See below M (@tom_mcghee) Prediction: See below M (@bifurcated_utd) Prediction: Abject misery.
City 1 – 2 United
And … it’s still not clear whether we are bad at being good, or just really bad at being good: Here’s 5 things we learned: 1. Bahahahahaha fuck off city 2. see 1 3. I too enjoyed the seasonal spanking 4. And the football 5. Bit of blue or the dads there
Norwich 1 – 3 United
And so the unbeaten run to all the trophies begins… Here’s 5 things we learned: 1. Someone needs to tell us penalties are supposed to ‘penalise’ the other team.
West Ham 2 – 0 United
As Phil Jones and Ed Woodward watched on and may, or, may not havNo, can’t even pretend to give a fuck. Here’s 5 things we learned: 1. Mid-table team now I’m very sad 2. Shampooing my carpet was more exciting than the match 3. How have we forgotten how to play football it really isn’t […]
United 4 – 0 Chelsea
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNDDDDDDDD NOW YOU’RE GONNA etc Look, it’s the first 5 things learned of the season: 1. I liked how that kid scored a massive deflection and now he’s the new Ryan Giggs 2. How come Gary Neville doesn’t know how to use punctuation? 3. I watched it when I got home and it was not […]
Everton 4 – 0 United
So glad we fucked of those preview words. Here’s 5 things we learned: 1. Dedham Vale is definitely an area of natural beauty but I don’t know if it’s as outstanding as they claim. 2. Fuck you Manchester United fuck you in your stupid asses you are clownshoes you are moribund 3. Oooh check out […]
CL: Barcelona 3 (4) – (0) 0 United
Imagine being nutmegged from 22 yards, through your arms, when your arms are your USP, and the ball is travelling slower than a stationary object in reverse… <<<< Not looking at anyone in particular. Here’s 5 things we learned: 1. We are proper fucking shit and I can only see us being proper fucking shit […]
United 2 – 1 West Ham
A return to winning ways after an apocalyptic run of losings stretching back further than any of us can remember, might just save Ole’s job. For now. Here’s 5 things we learned: 1. Good to see us win in the style of Manchester United of old 2. I didn’t watch it 3. I […]
CL: United 0 – 2 PSG
One for the grandkids … “Where were you when Ole Gunnar Solskjaer lost his one and only game as manager of Manchester United Football Club”? That Alexis7 hatty is going to be even more sweeter, now he’s decided to wait until the second leg. I wonder what they will make his statue out of? These […]
Fulham 0 – 3 United
“We’ve finally got our United back!” Plastics. We remained Top Reds throughout. No need to look back through our previews and reviews over the last 3 years. The science checks out. Here’s 5 things we learned: 1. Glad I’m not a Chelsea fan 2. Which team do you support, again? 3. The best one […]
FAC: Arsenal 1 – 3 United
Tis oft said (BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA like olden days language innit. Like Quaff, or Peacock Feathers) that the FA Cup is a magical competition, where miracles abound etc etc … Alexis Sanchez. Here’s another 5 things we learned: 1. Jesse moonwalking all over the pitch is the greatest celebration of all time and anyone who disagrees is […]