Bifurcated Manchester United » Michael Owen

Newcastle United 1 – 0 United

Us — Mon, 07 Oct 2019 12:40:41 +0000

This game brought to mind that famous trip to the toon, when Cantona shanked a scrappy away goal, after we’d played so bad in a really poor game minus the goal and plus one for them and Eric is young and ginger and also plays for them, and the goal is better and from a different angle entirely and don’t think Andy Carroll was there either tbh.

Here’s 5 things we learned:

1. Clothes shopping is fucking shit but not nearly as fucking shit as the football

2. Ooh check out continuity guy

3. I think we give him more time, 50 years if necessary – he’s building something godammit !!

4. Fred should be investigated under the trades description act

5. if thats even his real name

6. I think we should get Batistuta out of retirement

7. Fuck it, chuck a few quid at Michael Owen

8. Seriously considering putting a lot (£3.47) on a relegation battle bet why? Because I’m a ruddy bloke

CL: United vs VFL Wolfsburg

Us — Wed, 30 Sep 2015 18:20:34 +0000

Benno (@Benglorious)

It would appear I hadn’t fixed my computer as well as I thought I had this lunchtime. I’m doing my words now but I’m cutting it very close. Yours twos had better be good cos I’ve got nothing lol. Prolly have to use an old pic, the Basti one cos of the Germans. The fans will be gutted.

Opposition summary: This isn’t Whatsapp.

Prediction: Neither is this. 0-0 United.

Tom (@tom_mcghee)

‘Wolfsburg’ means ‘Wolves town’ and upon further research, its literally the birthplace of all wolves, including rhampton Wanderers, Winston, that guy from 90s Gladiators (Wolf) and Ghost, the best wolf from Game of Thrones, even though he was the like the runt of the litter. It is NOT the birthplace of Bonfire of the Vanities author, Tom Wolfe, despite his protestations to the contrary (he was born in Richmond, Virginia) It’s also the Headquarters of VW; I’m not saying expect skullduggery, just that they do have previous.

This week’s reviews:

Scientology: Going clear and the Prison of Belief

Almost too many lols although I don’t want to anger Emperor Xeno or David Miscavige. Tom Cruise is impressive as per – you totally believe he’s an insane weirdo. That aside, pretty good.

Aliens on the Moon: The truth exposed

It wasn’t. Includes the line “we took the photos to some of the brightest minds on our planet”. That aside, pretty good (but good/bad)

Prediction: Seem to remember actually playing and beating them before in CL but this might be a dream – in it Carrick scored the winner. Still, now that Captain Fatastic is back knocking them in, sure we’ll score at least 1 goals and as long as they don’t score more than that 1 goals, we should edge it by a margin of 1 goals to no goals. Martial Hat-trick, 2-0 United, Nasri for Rooney 69th minute.

Brett (@_ii)

So embarrassed for Wolfsburg and their Visible Footy Line. AND it’s Wolves, you illiterate cretins.

Last time we played this lot Michael Owen did a hat-trick and the Wolvesburg witchdoctor retrospectively cursed him so he would never wear hats without lookng like a tool.

Witchdoctor? Idk.

Their star player, Michael J Fox, is gonna shake David de hey ya like a Polaroid picture, by attempting to make him meet his momma (who he blates tried to cop off with in that film: Back to the Futon in the Spare Room – shortened to MILF upon its European release). Little does he know, Dave just wants to see them come-a. Idgi.

Do roses really smell like poo?

Prediction: Danny with his cuz. Can’t believe it can you? You think you know someone. Vangle’s boys to give Steve Bull’s lads one hell of a silver bulleting. 0-0. I’m sorry Ms Jackson, I am for real.