@Benglorious)

I’m also going to leave this one to you B-man. Big kisses.

P.s put that Klopp picture as the preview header today. You’re so talented. Extra kisses.

Prediction: I love Brett more than Tom.

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 (@tom_mcghee)

I’m going to leave this one to you B-dawg. You’re the best. I’ve always said that.

Brett (Concept film: coming soon hopefully)

This film is yet to be made, or written, but it will be the best film ever. Better than Star Worlds and all the other films I always bang on about. That aside, pretty good.

Prediction: Whatever Brett says is best.

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m

(@bifurcated_utd)

This game always raises so many questions: does anyone care about Liverpool anymore? Who is Liverpool? That’s two for the good-natured-banter lovers out there.

Other questions about faces include: Is Jurgen Klopp’s face 90% teeth? Who tattoed an average footballer’s body and legs on to Firminho’s face? Is Simon Mignolet’s face a window to his soul? Did Emre Can’s face ever pay attention in CDT class at school with regards to the principles of form and function? Did you ever see James Milner’s face in the same room as a blanched roast potato? Why does Alberto Moreno’s face look like the face of a naughty boy who got away with stealing any other average full-back’s career? Does Oxlade-Chamberlain have the face of his career role model, Theo Walcott, painted on his tits? Why the long face, Jordan?

Prediction: Copy and pastes of Benno and Tom’s verbatim WhatsApp convo this morning to form the main body of their preview. 0-0 United.

 Benno (@Benglorious)

So far so good on avoiding the plague-carrying mosquitoes, but in focussing all my efforts on not getting injected with horrible diseases by tiny little creatures, I reunmisunderestimated an ancient and even more deadly foe: The Sun (not the newspaper – I won that particular battle years ago).

I’ve been burned before and thought I’d learned my lesson, but apparently the sun in Mexico teaches at a different school, possibly in Spanish. This could be a problemo (problem).

Opposition Summary: The Sun is the star at the center of the Solar System and is by far the most important source of energy for life on Earth. It is a nearly perfect spherical ball of hot plasma, with internal convective motion that generates a magnetic field via a dynamo process. Its diameter is about 109 times that of Earth, and it has a mass about 330,000 times that of Earth, accounting for about 99.86% of the total mass of the Solar System. It is unclear what colour shirt it wears as nobody has ever looked directly at it.

Prediction: Kloppo to spend so much time hugging players and waving to his dentist that he forgets how good United are against teams that are being hugged by their manager. Martial will bag his first hat-trick and Mignolet will forget all about his car insurance woes and get himself a tidy brace, sending United through easily on aggregate. 0-0 United.

 Tom (@tom_mcghee)

Cannot words as Assassins Creed: Syndicate is too good.

Some review:

Good, bad, plot holes, wry comment etc that aside, pretty good.

Prediction: Despair. 

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 Brett(@ttackattackattack)

Cannot words as Despair: Certified is too all consuming. That aside, pretty good words coming up…

I’m chill tonight. Cooking up a vegan ballotine with vegan foam on a bed of deconstructed vegan consumme. I’m vegan but not one of those vegans who goes on about it vegans. Thing is, I can’t for the life of me remember where the bottle of sun-lotion I keep my vegetable oil in has got to…

Not the first time Benno’s been BURNED. That’s funny cos ‘to burn’ has two meanings (probably more, but Wikipedia is blocked at work) and that joke works on the quasi-juxtaposition of those two meanings; utilising your frontal lobes ability to cognitively disambiguate between the two simultaneously (also, I’m not even actually at work when writing this, just riffing like a journo maverick).

Prediction: If the Mexican Witch I paid heavily comes good on his promise, Benno has now only got to contend with Earth and Wind trying to killo himo to deatho (not sure if there is an equivalent translation in English). 0-0 United.