Benno (@Benglorious)

After being crowned the Premiership League champions earlier in the week, you could forgive our players for having a bit of a hangover for today’s game. You’d also have to forgive them for not playing for Leicester which, quite frankly, is actually unforgivable. Such is life as the French say, except they’d probably say it in their own language which I don’t know the name of.

Opposition Summary:  Norwich are based in the worst part of East Anglia which has nothing to offer the world except mustard. They probably play their games in a mustard factory, drink mustard-flavoured Lucozade at halftime and use mustard as a performance enhancing drug. Their kits are bright yellow, which is exactly the same colour as something else that I can’t quite remember the name of.

Prediction:  Roondog to chat shit, Martial to get banged. 0-0 United.

 Tom (@tom_mcghee)

Not previewing because it’s #FreeComicBookDay. This means I don’t have time to  write about football because I’m busy organising fifty different disguises so I can get fifty free comics. I hope I get a mint condition Spider-Man #1 this year. Wish me luck.

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Homeward Bound: The Incredible Journey (1993)

Based on the Simon and Garfunkel song, this heartwarming tale of friends overcoming adversity to find their way home is a film that all ages can enjoy. Unfortunately, this film is let down by the stupidity of the three animals – they’re only being left behind temporarily so have no need to embark on their treacherous journey. It also suffers from extremely poor dubbing – the animals never even  try to move their lips to match the voice actors. That aside, pretty good.

Prediction: Goals for everyone Vangle can fit on his teamsheet, including Idris Elba because he’s in everything, Simon Mayo because his name is short, and Ian Marshall because Ian Marshall. 13-0 United.

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 Brett(@ttackattackattack)

I see what we’re doing this week…

With the Champion’s League Final in the back of their minds, you could forgive our players for having half an eye on that. You’d also have to forgive them for not playing for Real Madrid which, quite frankly, is actually unforgivable. Say Lavvy as the English say, except they’d probably say it in their own language which I don’t know the name of.

Norwich are anglier in the East part of worst, which has mustard to offer the factory except worlds. They probably play their games in drugs, drink kits at halftime and use remembering as a colour. Their kits are names, which is exactly the same yellow as something else that I can’t quite remember the nothing of.

Prediction: Roondog to throw a cartoon Lion off a cliff and tweet it and get 1 RT and 3 Likes for it. 0-0 United.

 Benno (@Benglorious)

I haven’t been these excited to read the next installment of something since Andy McNab mentioned Charlie Three-One down, which incidentally is going to be United at halftime. Lol, as if we can score one goal. Anyway, I’ve remembered my point this time: Installments (I figured it out by reading over the stuff that I had written already. Really wish someone had told me how to do that before, then I wouldn’t be in so much trouble with the U.N.). Tom’s installments of his teeth-grindingly, fist-bitingly, hair-pulling-outily good previews. You’d almost believe he had some sort of degree in English or something. Let’s find out what happens next…

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Opposition summary: Leicester are a bad side that are doing good. Not in their community or on an international humanitarian scale, good footballs. Vardy, their top goalman, is on course today to set a new record of something or other so you know he’s mustard. English, obvs – none of that liquid plastic American shite.

Prediction:  Tom to bottle it by claiming via Whatsapp that he’s got a girl at his house so would prefer to waste his Saturday with her rather than keep climbing towards that prize for books thing that Dom loves so much he kisses it every night before bed. 0-0 United.

 Tom (@tom_mcghee)

Benno was right.

Prediction:  

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 Brett(@entionstarved)

Lol @ us.

Prediction: Idgi.