Words lol fuck that tin pot Europe nonces

(@Benglorious)

I must say I did enjoy the footage of our brave boys playing ping pong with a football in the sun. Really going to help them claw their way back into the champions league spots.

Prediction: Martial with a brace using the penhold grip and a ton of topspin. 0-0 United

M

 (@tom_mcghee)

During my hours of background research for this feature I learnt that Chelsea was first a place name of Old English origin and the most common theory of its meaning is Chalk Wharf. Frank means to be honest or sincere, synonyms of which are ‘blunt’, ‘curt’ or ‘forthright’ – Curt is the only one that works as a name so if he was American he’d be Kurt Lampard, FBI. Probably. The mind plays tricks. Nobody knows what the fuck Lampard means and I don’t think anybody really cares. In conclusion, yes.

Picard (2019)

He’s no James Tiberius Kirk – that guy’s voice volume control was the best in the business bar none Maybe Adam West.

Prediction: Genuinely sad day with Harry Gregg passing away so our GBOL should really win it for him imho. 2-0, Rooney brace.

 M

(@bifurcated_utd)

“Here, have 10 days off spent at a training camp away from your family and friends with your work colleagues” Worst. Holiday. Ever.

But, now that we know that Fred can score a free kick, and Tony M can score worldies during a kick about in Spain, I’m feeling much more enthusiastic about the whole season tbh

Prediction: Still don’t care.

Here’s 5 things we learned on the night we finally kissed goodbye to our quadruple dreams:

1. Fuck you city and fuck you pep we won you so hard

2. I didn’t think Tony M was very good and Lingard geno looks like someone who just happened to walk into the changing room once and nobody checked who he really was. That aside it was almost OK.

3. We should try to score more goals when we need to score more goals. This seems pretty basic learnz but I’m not sure anyone has told the team.

4. Ole is the only manager to have beaten Pep at the Etihad, twice. Let that sink in.

5. Lingard geno does look like someone who just happened to walk into the changing room once and nobody checked who he really was. They should check who he is.

6. The Mandalorian was great. Can’t believe they ate Salacious Crumb though

Here’s 5 things we learned:

1. We seem a lot better when our opponents are a league or 4 below us – maybe something to look at in the future?

2. 6 goals, 6 different scorers, 6 infinity stones – coincidence? Yes.

3. Phil Jones. I’m glad he got something he’s had a helluva time.

4. It’s got to the stage now where I assumed the score was a typo

5. Just a thought: seems like a lot of the talk around our tactical and training/development shortcomings are levelled at Ole – which is reasonable tbh, cos he’s a very inexperienced manager at a club that expect better/more … but, don’t correct me if I’m wrong, Mike Phelan and Michael Carrick (who Ole didn’t pick) are the ones actually coaching the players, so, why don’t we throw eggs and flour all over THEIR cars. That’ll learn ‘em.

6. Who invited this dick (see above)?

(@Benglorious)

Prediction: See below

M

 (@tom_mcghee)

Prediction: See below

 M

(@bifurcated_utd)

Prediction: Abject misery.

And … it’s still not clear whether we are bad at being good, or just really bad at being good:

Here’s 5 things we learned:

1. Bahahahahaha fuck off city

2. see 1

3. I too enjoyed the seasonal spanking

4. And the football

5. Bit of blue or the dads there

Here’s 5 things we learned:

1. I loved the probability bar, opens up a whole new dimension on ‘are we winning or not I can’t tell’

2. I also loved Marcus Ashford who I named Goal Lord

3. Greenwood? More like GreenGood !! Doesn’t really work but who the fuck cares anymore

4. I loved how it was only £200 cheaper than Sky

5. I hate us

Here’s 5 things we learned:

1. We really are fucking shit

2. Ole started his United managerial career on a wing and a prayer but now his wings are on fire and his prayers have been answered. By Satan.

3. I enjoyed the bits I didn’t watch which is all of it

4. They were the best bits tbf

5. Seconded

Here’s 5 things we learned:

1. The Joker’s real name is Arthur for some reason

2. I learned nothing

Here’s 5 things we learned:

1. Ole said we can’t control results or outcomes. Someone should explain to him what the manager’s job is imho.

2. Was hoping Paul Pogba might decide it’s not so bad and be good. Damn my foolish hopes.

3. They have a player called Hojbjerg but it’s pronounced hoover. If his nickname isn’t J Edgar shut down the club.

4. What has happened to Marcus Rashford? This is more of a question than a learn but we can’t all be scientists all the time.

5. Painting a deck is more fun than this.

6. I agree with all the above, apart from points 1 to 6.