Benno (@Benglorious)

The Liverpool game has just finished on SkyGo. Great result and two very lucky goals by both side’s new signings. I predict things for our new lad, Martial, the first being money and his acquisition of an amount of it, and the second that he’ll make United fans have positive reactions again when they hear the name ‘Tony’. I love him already.

m

Opposition summary: PSV was about a submarine and it was kind of like Star Trek except it was in the sea and it had that guy from Jaws (1975) in it. Not him, the other one. Only 90’s kids will know what I’m talking about and we all know that 90’s kids are the dirt worst.

Prediction:   Tom to stick with his film review format, possibly doing some Sci-Fi. I’m hoping for Avatar and Interstellar, the two greatest films ever made. 0-0 United.

The world’s most expensive teenager after Paris Hilton was delighted when I accosted him in the toilets of Wetherspoon’s, and informed me that his favourite things in the whole world are purple broccoli, Rick & Morty and doing a poo that doesn’t need wiping:

m

.

  Tom (@tom_mcghee)

Playstation 5 Eindhoven (definitely my gag whatever Brett says) are a football team in the nation of Holland; we know they’re pretty good at it because this is the Champions League so only the best clubs are in it (see: Liverpool) so there’s no real need for any preview. I will say this though, it’s a world away from the Norfolk Broads. And they do have a talking Dolphin*

To that end, I’m going to review my film reviews:

The Game (review): Wasn’t so much a review as a sentence. Probably, I didn’t read it. That aside, pretty good.

Day Watch/Night Watch (review): Misleading – having discussed with…I want to say Benno but I can’t remember when I saw him last so it might’ve been a dream. We were both naked….let’s say Benno… it turns out I did know what this was about more than I let on. Although the Simpsons reference holds water. That aside, pretty good.

Pineapple Express (review): Sold it on Danny McBride, no complaints, Solid 9/10. That aside, pretty good.

The Piano (review): “How Shakespeare would write if he were alive today” – Top Gear Magazine, 1997

Sublime.

Prediction: Liquid Goals. Which won’t count. 3-0, Martial to score 6 but only count 3 out of humility and respect. 

*Technically the Dolphin couldn’t “talk” but rather had a sophisticated communicator which somehow interpreted his dolphin squeaks into English. Good show, good actors.

.

  Brett (@enbrough)

[FOOTAGE NOT FOUND/AND/OR BURNT]

Prediction: Danny with his Costa Coffee endorsement. Them to steal all my joke and lose and/or burn the footage.

.

Remember to follow @Bifurcated_MBM on the Twitter for the best live coverage of all United games and also some of the worst live coverage of all United games. Sometimes we cover games that aren’t United but only because it gets very lonely.