Phil Jones

  m  FBA-Nominated Maverick (@Benglorious) The last time we played Northampton we actually had good players who were proven goalscorers for United – Diego Forlan and Mikaël Silvestre both netted that day. Those were the good times. Nowadays, we’re not even sure we can beat a team that is five hundred places below us in the league […]

  *Hilarious introduction*    @EchoingQuack (85 year-old teenage girl) – How much longer are you going to keep the whole kooky “ooh there’s four of us” schtick up? feels a bit tired TBH TM: Fuck off cunt BG: Until after either Paul gets the presidency or the rest of us are dead by his hand. BU: […]

I was planning to do some (serious) end of season awards on my serious, stats-y blog (everyteamneedsaron.com) but ended up dramatically quitting football stats before the season’s end only to rise again, Messiah like, after it had finished. Meaning no end of season awards. So what better way to rectify that than the inaugural ETNAR […]

(Bifurcated – (n. adj. adv. v.) To half-arse something to the point of it being one-hundredth of a fourteenth of an arse and therefore of little consequence to anybody, alive or dead.) IT’S FINALLY OVER!!  NO MORE FOOTBALL EXCEPT THE CHAMPIONS LEAGUE FINAL AND THE WOMEN’S WORLD CUP WHICH WE LOVE AND THE COPA AMERICA […]

m  Benno (@Benglorious) Here we are again:  La pièce de résistance.  Così fan tutte.  Bodas de sangre.  Céad míle fáilte.  Vorsprung durch technik.  The meanings of all these phrases were lost with the destruction of Atlantis, but they still evoke feelings and stuff, sometimes towards football.  It’s been a long season, and it’s one I’m definitely […]

Tim Sherwood walked into the dressing room. Louis van Gaal’s reign had been a disaster, with United failing to make the Champions League, or even the Europa League. There had been an outcry among the papers, and, in their infinite wisdom, Ed Woodward and the Glazer family had decided a domestic manager was the best option. Sherwood’s run […]

  Benno (@Benglorious) It’s been a strange week at Bifurcated Towers.  Lots have questions have been raised after we’ve had to deal with the fallout from that tweet from the last game in Preston: Is there a Quality Street in Wales?  Is there any way to find out?  Why do radiators and sinks need earthing?  If vegetable oil comes from vegetables, […]

If the Universe was truly balanced then RVN would jump up behind Martin Keown like an evil clown on acid every time he opened his mouth. Next time he’s on Match of the Day, I’ll be putting my foot through the telly and sending Gary Crisps the etc… This match played out like the Hallmark […]

I didn’t watch the game, so relived it later in real-time through the medium of our quasi-futuristic allegorical meta-narrative aka the Bifurcated MBM. From what I can gather: no one got a sofa. We don’t like slippers. Phil Jones took two corners. One of us has lost a PS4 controller. Sean O’Sullivan is 13 times […]