Brett:

Like the old saying goes,  every cloud saves nine, but you can’t make it drink, and I think you’d struggle to find anything better to say about this, or anything, than that.  Even if you had Susie Dent off of Countdown with a really powerful magnifying glass, or perhaps a microscope with a 1000x setting aimed right at a dictionary. Or if you had someone with a really nice voice, like that bloke off of Radio 4, that always makes things sound a lot better than they actually are and you found something not quite as good as that to say, but hoped if you made that bloke off of Radio 4 say it with his voice it might sound better, it wouldn’t. Or if you said, “anything better to say about this, or anything, than that”, as a way of being clever, because I don’t think that actually works.

Think about it like this: David de Gea is the cloud. David de Gea saves nine goals. And if David de Gea refused to drink, you couldn’t force him to, because he’s an adult. You might be able to get his mum to talk him round, extolling the virtues of staying hydrated, but ultimately it’s his choice. It’s important to note that he might not be too keen on being referred to as an ‘it’, but as English is only his second language, he’d perhaps put it down to his own misinterpretation of the use of the correct form (fingers crossed).

You could also think about it like this: We, the fans, are the cloud. We, the fans,  save nine pounds sterling minimum by not turning up to a game. And like David de Gea, we have our own autonomy; we don’t have to have a drink when offered one. Admittedly, there is a little grey area here, as some of us, the fans, are minors, and therefore might probably feel unable to argue with a legal guardian on the matter of drinking or not, but it’s still the best thing to say. We, the fans, will probably take less exception to being referred to as ‘it’ as David might, as collectively we could technically be considered an ‘it’, I think.

Think about it.

Prediction: All of the above to play out exactly as I suggested.

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p.s Benno (@Benglorious) sends his apologies: he’s spending the weekend in disposed. I’m not sure where that is but it sounds nice. And blah-blah-blah phone ringing, Mum etc. 0-1 West Ham.