If only we could win every single game by scoring a million of goals and being the superior team, regardless of the eleven players we put out, just like the olden days.

Here’s 5 things we learned:

1. Reading, righting, rithmatic

2. I liked the part where we won

3. I liked the part where everyone moaned despite the winning

4. Copyright ‘King Chong’ for when he is legend/climbs a skyscraper in New York

5. I like it when a player wrestles the ball of another to take a penalty, and then misses tbh.

m

(@Benglorious)

After the thorough despatchings of Cardiff, ‘uddersfield, Bournemouth and Newcassal, Ole’s first real test as United’s interimming temporary caretaking non-permanent manager comes today in the FA Cup final. Solskjaer’s boys will be looking to make sure the Writing is on the wall for Reading, ensuring their place in History. Maths.

Prediction: Yet more goals, inducing a giddiness amongst United fans that hasn’t been felt since Wednesday night. 0-0 United.

M

 (@tom_mcghee)

I am out of the office until jan 4th and won’t be doing a jokes during this time. If you need an urgent a joke please contact my colleagues at ajoke@ajoke.co.ck

Prediction: haha wait haha it’s like Lukaku hahaha is haha Ole’s Solskjaer haha

MM

(@bifurcated_utd)

Bahahahahahaha Benno said ‘Writing’ cos Reading.

Prediction: Bahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha etc. 60 – 0 United.

January 7th, 2017: Marcus Rashford with YET ANOTHER one-yard smash.

Nothing else of note happened.

Here’s 5 things we learned:

1. Rashford is gud.

2. Reading is bad.

3. Rooney has scored a lot of goals but that doesn’t mean I have to like him, which I don’t.

5. Reading is good.

6. See 1-3.

7. I like it when Rashford boots it into the goal when there is absolutely no need other than to pretend it’s a WC final.

 (@Benglorious)

AND LEEDS

m

festival

m

Prediction: Benno to outsmart those chumps who thought they’d taken all the reading jokes. 0-0 United.

 (@tom_mcghee)

Manchester United Vs Reading is the very last thing we should be encouraging; reading is essential to humanity’s education and future – for us to just attack the concept is both immoral and unethical.

Reading – a brief history

According to noted essayist Alberto Manguel, reading has a quirky and passionate 4000 year old history, where the reader is the true hero. Originally called Reada Ingas, Reada was a Saxon leader who settled in the area in the 6th century and made a fort. Reading in the middle ages was The Normans. Other books worth looking at include Penguin and Ladybird.

Star Wars Rebels: Season two (2015)

Set 14 years after RoTS,  Rebels takes place during the time when the Empire is securing its grip on the galaxy and hunting down the last of the Jedi Knights all the while hampered by a newly born Rebellion aka the good guys. Ashoka Vs Darth is as good as any lightsaber battle in the entire series. And you get to see the original B-Wing. That aside, actually good.

Prediction: Cannot understand how this is even a game, based on my opening paragraph. Brett/Benno to ruin T’Pau’s legacy.  3-0 United, two books sent off for being overdue library returns. 

m 

 (@ttackattackattack)

I do hope neither of them twose up there cheapen this by making reference to reading books. Besides, reading is now a defunct concept, what with touch tone apple portable telephones, and cinemas on every street – where they tell much less boring stories, using the only good bits in books i.e. the pictures.

Reading – a brief history

Founded by Adam Le Fondre in 2013, Reading relied on FIFA’s GOTY 2009, Dave Kitson, to keep their football club a secret, until now.

If only there was an abstract idea I could utilise, using the functionality of my eyes, to find out more about them.

Prediction: Mark my WORDS, we’ve got this one COVERed. I’m sure the SCRIPT will be WRITTEN in our favour, with a high VOLUME of shots, combined with a clean SHEET. Just be careful we don’t get BOOK(ed for) MARKing too tightly. I’m sure Jose will play a strong SPI

I didn’t see the game and only saw the highlights on MOTD2, so am in no position to comment. Lucky you.

By all accounts Reading made a good fist of it and we were a tad lucky. The most important result of the weekend was at Goodison, so the three points are good enough – though good football is nice too sometimes.

MOTM: Rio for the assist.

How many times do we have to play Reading in a season? Have we entered a parallel Universe, whereby we’re actually in the Scottish Prem? We must have played Reading at least eleventy million times already.

As I’ve said before I don’t have any time for Reading, which is handy, cus I can copy and paste exactly what I said before one of the other times we’ve played them: not only do they actively employ Jason Robo-berts the humanoid sent from the future to play football in basic algorithms – ripping the beauty out of it from the inside; there’s also their sponsors which bring out the inverted snob in me (let’s not go there again). AND though Brian McDermott has now been sacked I still have residual feelings regarding him looking the spit of my Uncle Claude, who has recently become a Jehovah’s Witness, something I hold Reading entirely responsible for.

The Prem season is over and not even the most cautious of United fans can seriously suggest otherwise. I hope we rest RVP, in an attempt to have him fit for the Chelsea cup match. Same goes for a few others who need a bit of a break.

Prediction: 2-0

Goals: Rooney 2

I think this picture taken about 200 BC (2oo days before Christmas 2011) was the last time Nani did anything any good. At least when he does do anything any good, it’s kind of worth waiting for. Providing a great cross and neat finish – that in effect won the game -, as he did, I’d still say the impact of RVP as sub was the key to the victory. Now there’s a surprise.

In spite of myself, was pleased to see Ashley Young back and looking like he’s saving up his very worst form for when it really counts. TV, Nani and Ashley Young make a really good case for the diamond.

Danny was decent enough. Was there anyone who didn’t expect Chicha to bag at least one? He looked nice and sharp too. Cleverley looked the best of the bunch, as you’d expect from the player with the most first eleven experience, of the past few months, out there.

Reading did enough to make it competitive, which made it a good work out for those trying to force their way into the first team – hopefully all of them.

The Jones’ injury isn’t great news. (Though, I personally prefer Cleverley in midfield with Carrick for the “big games”.)

Bring on Middlesborough!!!

MOTM: Cleverley

Iwan (@IwanLehnert):

I know that every team can get diddled with their fixtures when trying to marry European flings and domestic routines, but we’ve got to praise whichever footballing deity decreed that this game was to be played on a Monday night. Considering that Real have 2 Clasicos and a game extra than us to contend with before the 2^nd leg, we’ve gotten off quite lightly.

Not only that, but we’ve done alright with the draw, too. A home tie against another league club is, shockingly enough, quite welcome. Unless you’d rather be travelling off to Elland Road, Boundary or Ewood Park…? After the fourth round, I’m happy to be coming up against a team we know well. You’d hope that there wouldn’t be a repeat of that 3-4 from December, and to be honest, I don’t expect one because we’ve been (mostly) powering through each game with the minimum amount of fuss and bravado for a little while now. It’s the time for it, I guess. I doubt our self-destructive tendencies won’t rear their engaging head again before the season’s done, but we’re scoring first, looking assured and have tightened up. Tidy.

With last Wednesday in mind, expect a whole load of changes. Hernandez, Young, Nani, Cleverley, Anderson, Smalling and Buttner will all hopefully get a game and we can give Carrick, Van Persie and Evra a nice warm seat on the bench along with a nice biscuit. It’s not bigheaded to say that we can make around 6/7 changes and still expect to pick up a result, although I can see why people might think we’re taking them lightly by not starting the best striker in the league we paid £20+ million for. And if it wasn’t for the likes of Hernandez being so wonderfully clinical then I’d agree with them.

To be honest, of the team’s mired in the bottom three, I’d say Reading have the best chance of staying up. They’ve shown more fight than QPR, and probably have more quality. I feel pretty monotonous stating that I don’t expect an opposition team to be a pushover, but they won’t be. After that great comeback at the Madjeski last month, they won’t fear Chelsea in the next round, either.

Speaking of which, what a quarter final that could be if we win. That talk of Frank Lampard still feels unrealistic, because on this sort of form, Chelsea would have to be mad to get rid of him. I mean properly nuts. I mean you can see where I’m going with this.

Prediction: 3-1. Hernandez scores. Everyone looks happy.

Brett:

I used to have a bit of time for Reading, but no longer: Not only do they actively employ Jason Robo-berts the humanoid sent from the future to play football in basic algorithms – ripping the beauty out of it from the inside; there’s also their sponsors which bring out the inverted snob in me (let’s not go there again). AND  Brian McDermott looks the spit of my Uncle Claude, who has recently become a Jehovah’s Witness, something I hold Reading entirely responsible for (applying footy maths).

Fergie reckons are squad is stronger than ’99 – I’m sure he’s said that before -, so let’s prove it by stuffin ‘em, the swines!

Prediction:  3 – 1

Goals: Chicha 2, Cleverley

I had something really meaningful and poignant to say, but I’ve forgotten what it was, so you’ll have settle for the usual babbling.

I never said I knew anything about football, so there was no need to believe me when I said that Reading posed no threat – in truth, the only threat came from ourselves. The defence having settled for a bit, is perversely becoming unsettled by the return to fitness of all personnel. As for Lindegaard, he’s an excellent keeper, but his form is unfortunately effecting that unsettled defence too.

Going forward we are looking so brilliant in flashes. Some of our pay is mouthwatering and I’m choosing to concentrate on that rather than the other (above).

Anderson continued to look good his goal was a beauty. Rooney and ORVP (who probably might have had a hat-trick) also looked unplayable at times. Again, brilliant to see Fletch getting more game time; along with Smalling and Jones.

Bring on City … we’re gonna stuff ‘em.

MOTM: Rooney (HE SCORED A PENALTY!)

They say the best form of defence is attack, they don’t say the best form of attack is defence.

I’ve never really liked Reading, and the fact they are now sponsored by Waitrose brings out the inverted snob in me – I really want us to absolutely stuff ‘em, like we’ve threatened to do other teams recently. I’m not sure why it is that I dislike them so much, I just do – so there!!

Scholesy’s back from suspension, but surely Anderson had done enough to keep his place – he needs games to keep the momentum up. On the other hand, there’s unfortunately no-one to keep Ashley Young out the team, so more of the same from him (Maybe Giggsy?)

Chicha, ORVP and Rooney are gonna tear ‘em apart, and Danny’s gonna come on and tear ‘em apart some more!

Maybe another appearance for Fletch? More likely Carrick’ll get the nod.

Reading have nothing to trouble us with today.

Prediction: 1-5

Goals: ORVP, Rooney 2, Chicha, Danny.