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(@Benglorious)

With David Moyes finally proving his Premiership credentials yesterday, Mourinho and Wenger really have a lot to live up to today. I’m hoping for at least two plane banners locked in an aerial dogfight for at least 45 minutes or I want my money back for the Canadian stream I’m watching illegally.

Prediction: Another debut goal for Rashford to cancel out another worldy from Henry. 0-0 United

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 (@tom_mcghee)

What is Love? Some say Robin Van Persie, others say a weird cartoon strip where a boy and girl are always naked but never do anything, probably because the boy has no dick. Like an opposite The Crying Game. Think it’s a man but it’s actually a woman. It’s very confusing. Which leads me onto my 9th point: Arsenal = London = actually bad.

Driving Miss Daisy/Bangkok Chickboys (1989/1997)

Old woman and Morgan Freeman become friends after he drives around for a while. That aside, awful. Only accessed the second one by mistake and it only played for 15 mins because I couldn’t see it from the bathroom.

Prediction: Bangkok Chickboys to show up on my bill, probably under miscellaneous. 2-1 United because why not. 

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(@bifurcated_utd)

That pic/song thing is actually quite good for you.

Jokes on everybody on Twitter today: talking about Van Persie i.e he doesn’t play for either Arsenal or United anymore. Idiots.

This fixture has added zeanom after what happened with Van Persie, and him going to the other team for not much cash money and then being all new teamy, and winning the best team of the year cup all by himself; without the handicap of his old team and with Rooney i.e another handicap. That’s not on twitter. Bite my banger. And quite sure your evidence won’t stand up in court. Especially as we have systematically set fire to all the jurys over the past 6 years*. Idiots.

*That’s right Bifurcated is 6 years old this week. Highlights reel to follow…

BOOOOOOOM!! BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Here’s to another 6! Who is this?! idgi etc…

Prediction: Another 6 years of the same a ‘state of Rooney’s…’ joke. 0-0 United.