Bifurcated Manchester United » Rostov

EL: United (2) 1 – 0 (1) Rostov

Us — Fri, 17 Mar 2017 14:18:52 +0000

This game will be forever remembered for something.

Here’s 5 things we learned:

1. Didn’t watch it but got 7 trophies on Tomb Raider instead.

2. Hope this helps.

3. Like 1 but with another game and less trophies.

4. Like 1 and 3 but with a life.

EL: United (1) vs. (1) Rostov

Us — Thu, 16 Mar 2017 19:42:45 +0000

(@Benglorious)

I’m also probably not gonna manage it because I have very little time and don’t want to RUSSIA it. UKRAINE not be serious. Brett sure is a cunt.

Prediction: Tom to post our WhatsApp convo as our preview. 0-0 United.

(@tom_mcghee)

I can’t do words tonight as I’m ROSTOV my feet !!! Brett do you want to add a third pun? Or do anything? EUROPE I’m not. Glol. Benno was right.

Prediction: Brett to actually do what I said I was going to do and post our WhatsApp convo as our preview. 0-0 United.

(@bifurcated_utd)

USSR about that?

Prediction: Yes. 0-0 United.

EL: Rostov 1 – 1 United

Us — Fri, 10 Mar 2017 12:11:07 +0000

Our exclusive fan poll after the game revealed that, of the 665 billion United fans around the world, over 70% would rather eat their own death than watch the second leg of this game.

In other news, our Kickstarter to have this game struck from the records has been flagged by the financial ombudsman, as “apparently” one like on Twitter from yourself doesn’t count as a monetary pledge with the bankerers.

Here’s 5 things we learned:

1. They may have cheated, but what they accomplished is incredible.

2. Saying that, PSG shouldn’t have been so complacent.

3. Phil Jones has no business in sport.

4. Those Fellaini numbers eased the pain.

5. Lol @ Di Maria the rat-faced fuck.

EL: Rostov vs. United

Us — Thu, 09 Mar 2017 17:45:00 +0000

(@Benglorious)

I have no fucking idea who Rostov are. I do, however, know what a rosti is – a sat on bag of chips that Tories like to eat.

Prediction: Elbohimovic. You can have that one. Unless it can be monetised. Actually, it’d be easier to just send me cash and avoid all the fuss. I’m gonna go out on a limb and say we won’t concede ten goals in this one. 0-0 United.

(@tom_mcghee)

I’m the worst.

Prediction: Brett to be even worster. 0-0 United.

(@bifurcated_utd)

I’m the worstest.

Prediction: Tom to be right. 0-0 United.